


Rough as a Diamond

by DestielHardcoreLove, Swlfangirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Getting Back Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 09:06:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18117659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielHardcoreLove/pseuds/DestielHardcoreLove, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swlfangirl/pseuds/Swlfangirl
Summary: sorry for the horrible ending lol.  One of many that we never managed to finish! ;O)~





	Rough as a Diamond

Anyone could look at Benny and tell that he was a good man. Whether it was the charming smile and accent, or the way his bright blue eyes just shined with warmth and love. He was gorgeous, smart about the important things, and had one of the kindest hearts Samandriel had ever seen. He drew attention and affection from everyone around him because he was just gentle and giving, and he was the kind of person that you just moved toward before you knew what was happening. 

 

It’s how he’d felt the night they met, the same way he felt now. 

 

Samandriel was none of those things. 

 

He was shy and awkward, had a voice that grated on people’s ears. He too had blue eyes but they were dull in comparison. He was plain looking, pale, and while he read a variety of books he never seemed to understand enough about the world around him to be an active participant in it. 

 

People stayed away from Samandriel, they didn’t want to get too close, didn’t want to risk becoming a freak like him. 

 

Everyone except Benny, at least. 

 

The man was too generous with his time when there were so many ways to obviously make better use of it. 

 

Still, he couldn’t help coming back. 

 

He wasn’t a good man, or a good guy. 

 

If he was, he’d allow the world to experience the beautiful sight of Benny Lafitte, instead of taking up space so that the man would give him the attention he hated to crave. 

 

“Hi, Benny.” Samandriel waved awkwardly, blinking down at his backpack before gently easing himself down onto the seat at the counter. 

 

Maybe just one more, one more day of being weak and taking up someone else’s time, someone more worthy. 

 

Benny smiled when he saw Samandriel sitting down at his counter.  It was about midday so the kid had to be heading off to his class in a few minutes.  Benny was always glad to see him, even if he was sad more often than not. He enjoyed putting a smile on the younger man’s face before having to brave the crowds at the university.  

 

“Hey there Dree,” he said and quickly filled up a cup with Samandriel’s usual drink of choice which on a good day was a cherry coke but on a bad day, like this one seemed to be, it was something disgustingly sweet.  He poured the vanilla coke and then added just a touch more vanilla before plopping it down in front of Samandriel.

 

“Thank you,” he said, somehow still surprised the man knew enough about him to remember what he liked. It was just another of the many things about Benny that made him a great person. He owned the little diner, ran the grill sometimes, worked the counter others, but even while cooking he was always popping out to say hello to his customers. He valued and treasured each and every one of them. 

 

Samandriel swallowed and took a sip from his straw, fingers rubbing anxiously against his wrist. 

 

“Busy today,” he commented, chewing at his lip a little. He looked around the diner and it wasn’t packed but there were a few more people than usual and he knew they were all just as important, more than in a lot of cases he guessed. It wasn’t as if he was flushed with cash and leaving big tips. “It’s okay if you don’t have a lot of time.” 

 

Benny looked over at the other patrons and shrugged, “I always got time for you angel,” he said with a soft smile and then winked.  He stepped up to the window and threw in an order of his chicken strips plate. He knew from past visits Samandriel loved them but always was a bit strapped for cash to get the whole thing.  Maybe Benny played favorites and maybe, just maybe he spent way too much time staring at the kid but he always knew when a test or finals were coming up. Samandriel always managed to lose weight and if Benny lost some money feeding him, who cared?  He was the damn owner.

 

“How’s school goin?  You get that journalism paper done?” Benny said as he filled some glasses for another waitress.

 

Samandriel nodded eagerly, Benny always seemed proud when he mentioned finishing his coursework. It wasn’t a big deal really, but the praise settled him in a way that few things did. Probably one of the many reasons it was weird that he kept coming back. Benny was thoughtful, even took time to listen and pay attention to what was happening in his customer’s lives. Things like journalism papers and history finals. 

 

“Yeah, I uh… I got a 93%, could have probably been better,” Samandriel said, then immediately felt guilty for bringing the mood down. “But it was still pretty good. My professor doesn’t hand out  _ easy _ grades, so I’m confident I’m learning the material.” 

 

“That’s good angel!  Journalism ain’t easy.  A few friends of mine barely got past their midterms, let alone make it to the end of the year.  And here you are, in your second year of it. Damn proud of ya,” Benny said with another wink as Ash called out the order from the window.  He picked it up and eased it down in front of Samandriel with the customary side of ranch, “On the house,” he said and before Samandriel could make his usual complaint he hurried off to pretend to take someone’s order.

 

Samandriel frowned, he’d have to leave something for the food, though he didn’t have much. He’d paid to rent a small hotel room for a week but he should still be able to get by if he left a few dollars, though nothing that would actually compensate for such a wonderful meal. 

 

Still, he always left what he could and he knew that Benny didn’t really mind. 

 

Yeah, just another glaring difference between the two of them. 

 

He ate slowly, knowing he’d never manage to hold it down if he tried to eat it as quickly as he wanted. It smelled delicious and the fresh, homemade dressing, was nothing short of divine. Samandriel had once in his life had food that probably cost more than his phone but Benny’s was still better… and that was a long time ago, he wasn’t that person anymore.

 

He’d just finished off the first piece of chicken when Benny came back and Samandriel gave him a small smile. “Thank you, I-I have something for you,” he said, nervous flutters building rapidly in his stomach.

 

Samandriel reached into his backpack and pulled out the small sketch. 

 

It wasn’t really as good as some that he’d seen while sneaking into the Visual Arts Center, but he wasn’t a professional, that was to be expected. 

 

“Here,” he said, handing it over, quickly zipping his bag back up. “It’s n-nothing, just thought you might want...that you should have it.” 

 

“What’s this-” Benny’s mouth dropped open.  The image on the paper looked like a photograph.  Sure when he looked close enough he could tell it was a drawing but at first glance...holy shit.  Samandriel had captured him smiling softly as he was probably speaking with someone down at the end of the counter.  It was gorgeous and Benny was beyond flattered that the kid would even take the time to draw someone like him.

 

“Angel...wow,” he said softly.  He wanted to say more, to tell him just how perfect it was but he was called back into the kitchen, “I’mma put this in my office, do you have to leave soon?” he asked.

 

Samandriel felt an anxious mixture of emotions; there was pride and affection for Benny who did everything he could to reassure him that he wasn’t just a waste of space, but also a bit of pride in his own self, his own work. “Oh you don’t have to-,” he was cut off quickly by Benny raising his brow as if to ask if he really needed to say it.

 

As it turned out, he didn’t. 

 

“No I’ve got another fifteen minutes or so before I have to get to class…” 

 

“Good, stay put and eat what you can cher,” he said and quickly headed to the back.  He got to his office and stored the picture away safely. Later he’d find a frame and hang it up on his wall somewhere.  Probably here at work. Benny was cheerful most days but there were some where he needed a little pick me up. And it was those days that stormy blue eyes would be staring up at him.

 

He quickly handled the chaos that was about to erupt in the kitchen and got back out on the floor.  Samandriel had managed to eat another strip and his second in command Jo had already gotten the kid a to go box.  Chewing his lip he sidled up to Jo and whispered a few things to her. She rolled her eyes fondly, playfully pushing him towards the hatch, “Thanks Jo.”

 

“Yeah, yeah thank me with a bonus boss,” she said.  Benny smirked and threw his apron under the counter as he hurried back to Samandriel, “C’mon cher, I’ll drive ya.  It’s nice out and I know how stuffy those damn buses can be,” he said holding his hand out to him.

 

“Oh-oh no you don’t-I’m okay,” Samandriel said, mildly terrified by the idea of taking Benny away from his precious diner. His pulse rocketed out of control, heart beating loudly in his ears as he tried to stutter out something that would make Benny reconsider. “Really, it’s fine...I’m sure you have much more important things to do with your time.” 

 

“They can handle it, c’mon.  I insist, please?” Benny said closing the distance between them a bit.

 

“Oh, Okay, just lemme…” Samandriel nodded. “I’m gonna go to the restroom, but I’ll meet you outside.” 

 

There was a nod and then Samandriel fled back through the restaurant and in through the small bathroom just off to the right. He leaned on the door for a few seconds, breathing slowly, in and out. Once he’d finally forced himself to calm down, he threw up a couple splashes of water on his face and looked in the mirror.

 

_ ‘Just friendly _ ,’ he said to himself. Benny was just friendly and that was something he needed to remember. 

 

Samandriel pulled a handful of dollars and some change out of his pocket and counted it. If he ate sparingly he could afford to leave a little bit of a tip for Jo. She was always so nice to him, not in the same way Benny was, but she didn’t look down on him like the brunette did when Benny wasn’t watching.

 

He dropped the cash down beside his emptied plate and headed for the door before she could stop him, or before he could stop himself, he wasn’t sure. 

 

Benny was standing next to his bike, the helmet waiting in his hand so he could give it to Samandriel.  The to go box was in his saddlebag now all he needed was the guy. His head raised when he heard the door open and he smiled wide.  Samandriel was all kinds of shy and awkward but damn he was adorable. And sweet.

 

“Thought you skipped out on me,” he teased gently putting the helmet on Samandriel’s head.

 

“No, no I-I just needed a second. Are you um, are you sure this is safe? I’ve never been on a motorcycle before,” Samandriel said, unable to stop his panicked question from escaping. Of course he trusted Benny not to put him in danger, but he was also freaking out a little about what was coming. 

 

“Hey, look at me,” he said and waited for those stormy blue eyes to meet his, ‘I ain’t gonna let anythin happen to you okay?  But if you want, we can take the truck instead,” he said with a shrug. 

 

“No, no it’s okay…” Samandriel said, reaching up to grab at where Benny’s fingers were tying the strap. He jerked away, “Sorry...no this is, it’s good. A new first.” 

 

“Okay.  Just so you know, I don’t mind either way okay Angel?  Dean fixed up my bike yesterday after being out of commission for a few weeks,” Benny said and swung his leg over to sit down.  He held out his hand for Samandriel’s and helped him to sit behind him.

 

“Now, don’t be shy darlin and hold on tight,” Benny chuckled and revved the bike a few times.

 

Samandriel looped his arms around Benny’s middle and squeezed. 

 

Everything faded away for a moment.

 

Logically, he knew they weren’t speeding down the road, that driving through the city wasn’t a face-paced accomplishment, but somehow it still felt just as wild and crazy as if they’d been flying. 

 

Before Samandriel could hold onto the moment, could wrap it up and pull it to his chest, it was over. 

 

Benny pulled into the parking lot by the student center, and shut the engine off. Reality came crashing back down on him and he began to feel awkward about their position all over again. He eased his arms away and scooted back on the seat a bit before he finally clamored off on shaky legs. 

 

“Whoa, easy,” Benny chuckled, gently reaching out to steady the kid then climbed off the bike himself.

 

“Thanks,” he said, breathing a little easier with the gentle, but strong grip on his arms. “Sorry, I can be...clumsy, a lot actually.” 

 

“It’s okay angel, part of your charm really,” Benny smiled, reaching into the saddlebag to get out the to go box.  He handed it over and then shoved his hands into his pockets, “So uh, this is it huh?” he said looking at the campus.

 

“Oh, yeah...it’s kinda nice here sometimes, just not really after dark….” Samandriel said, a small sad laugh falling off his lips. There was a hesitance in Benny’s face that made something familiar tug in his stomach. Deciding that the man was clearly able to leave any time he wanted, Samandriel took a small breath and asked, “You want me to, uh, show you around?” 

 

Benny smiled through the worry and nodded, “I’d like that,” he said and strapped the helmet around his handlebar before following Samandriel.  He wanted to take the kid’s hand but worry bubbled in his chest. The fear of scaring Samandriel off was right there on the surface and knew he had to be just a little more patient.

 

“Okay, sure.” 

 

The longer that idea sit in his mind, the easier it became. It helped that Benny was a wonderful conversationalist and kept them both talking despite his awkwardness around such a beautiful and kind man.

 

He led them over to the small group of picnic tables just outside the English building where his class would start later, though he had some extra time since they’d taken Benny’s motorcycle instead of the bus. Something he was still having trouble wrapping his head around. 

 

“And this is where most of my classes are and over there, right next door, is the VAC building,” he paused, realizing what he’d done before quickly explaining, “The Visual Arts Center, they do all kinds of stuff over there. Pretty much any kind of artistic expression you could be interested in, they have a class for it.” 

 

“I know you’re studyin Journalism but you takin art too?” Benny asked.  The campus was beautiful. Almost made him regret never having that college experience.  Then again, his friends had more than enough to compensate for him. 

 

“Oh no, I um, no. I’ve been fortunate. My scholarship covers pretty much all of my classes and textbooks and things, but I’m a communications major. I can’t take things like that,” Samandriel added, “I’m really not that good anyway, but I do enjoy it sometimes.” 

 

Benny stared at him like he sprouted three heads, “Cher...that drawing you did was amazing.  And I’m not saying that just because you had an amazing subject to draw,” Benny teased with a warm laugh, “I mean it.  I think you should at least take a class...for fun. Somethin other than what you  _ have _ to take.  That’s just me though,” he said.

 

“Sure, I’ll think about it,” Samandriel said, though he knew it was a lie. Even if he’d wanted to take one, to let himself have that, there’d be no way he could afford it. Working part-time at the small grocery store next to the hotel was barely paying enough to rent out his room, there was nothing leftover for anything more. 

 

“Would you like to sit? I have a few more minutes before I need to worry about getting to class,” he said, pointing to the picnic table beside them. “You said, Dean...you said he fixed your motorcycle? Is he your...mechanic?” 

 

Benny chuckled as he sat down, “In some ways.  He’s the only one I trust to touch my bike. Been my best friend from the moment we met in the sandbox,” he said with a soft smile, “Some little turd was hassling his baby brother and I pushed the bully over while Dean tried to keep Sammy from hollerin.”

 

He shook his head fondly.  Dean and Sam were his brothers, it didn’t matter that they weren’t blood.  Then again, his whole family was a mish mosh of strays either abandoned or orphaned.  Bobby and Ellen were the ones that glued them all together. 

 

“Oh that’s nice...I didn’t play in sandboxes. My father was...he didn’t allow things like that,” he said, realizing much too late that he’d brought the mood down, once again. “But it sounds really great, having friends you’ve known your whole life.”

 

Benny chewed his lip and gently touched at Samandriel’s chin to lift his face, “Hey it’s okay cher.  We all had rough starts and I ain’t sayin that my shit was worse than yours or anything like that. Just that...you either let it overwhelm you or you work your ass off to get above it,” he said.

 

“I know you don’t know much about me so here’s a little history of Benjamin Lafitte,” he chuckled, “My parents abandoned me when I was a baby.  Got bounced around between several foster homes. The caseworkers always called me ‘too ferral’ to place. No one wanted to take the time to tame my wild ass.  Then came the hard as nails Bobby Singer and his even tougher wife Ellen. They made it their goal to adopt and take in as many unwanted ‘wild’ kids as they could.  Me, Dean, Sammy, Jo, Ash...we’re all theirs,” he said.

 

“That’s really great, Benny. That you found your family,” Samandriel said, swallowing a bit around a lump in his throat. He should tell him the truth and he knew that, but he also worried that it might change everything. 

 

Benny was a good man, of course, he knew this… but he seemed to think that Samandriel was  _ like him _ and that just wasn’t the case. 

 

“I didn’t have a rough start. My father was one of the richest men in America. I had a life that most people would be jealous of,” he said, trying not to feel the chilled breeze on his skin. “Until last year at least, but that’s my fault. I’m not...I’m not like you. I’m a spoiled, rich, brat who can’t do anything right.” 

 

Benny frowned at that.  Whoever made Samandriel think this of himself, Benny wanted to find them and throttle the breath out of their lungs.  Benny knew spoiled. He’d dated several spoiled brats with rich families. Samandriel wasn’t anything like them. If he was, Benny wouldn’t be so invested.

 

“Bullshit,” Benny said and grinned when Samandriel’s eyes widened.  Before he could speak Benny beat him to it, “You can try to lie to me and yourself all you want Angel but I’m here to tell you that you’re not spoiled.  You may have had a rich upbringing but that does not mean that instantly makes you a brat. I’m gonna be real frank with you, if you truly were this ‘spoiled brat’ that you think you are, I wouldn’t have spent so much time trying to get you to talk to me,” he said.

 

“Yes you would, Benny...I’ve seen you with your customers. You’re always friendly, always looking after them. I’m nothing special,” he answered, frowning up at the partially surprised look on the gorgeous man’s face. “I should-I should get to class. Thank you for the ride.” 

 

“Whoa, hold it right there cher,” Benny said and gently grabbed up his wrist, “I look after my customer's sure cause that’s my job.  But with you it's different. If you can’t see that, then I need to work harder to show ya,” he said and tipped up Samandriel’s face, “The moment you walked into my diner you stole my breath away, ah...no.  I’m not finished,” he said and pressed his thumb against Samandriel’s lips to keep him quiet.

 

“You  _ are _ special sweetheart.  With those beautiful stormy eyes, that shy smile...even your clumsiness...you had me hooked.”

 

“Oh.” 

 

Samandriel blinked, was that...was that why Benny was so nice to him? Was he really attracted to someone like him? It didn’t make sense, but he didn’t think the man would lie to him. He’d gotten to know him pretty well over the last few months, even if the first weeks were spent mostly in silence, just watching. 

 

“I-I don’t-I’m not sure,” he fumbled, nervousness clawing at his throat. “I’m going to class...uh thanks, again.” 

 

Samandriel tried his best to focus in class but his thoughts kept going back to the beautiful man with beautiful eyes and a beautiful smile and how utterly unworthy he was of any attention, much less the affection Benny seemed to feel for him. 

 

He should stop going to the diner, it’s not good for Benny the way it is for him. He goes to feed on the warm conversation and praise, the small touches. He can’t seem to figure out how, but he’s drawn the man in, lured him in somehow, like a mosquito to it’s trap. If he continues to go back there, continues to be selfish with the man and his time…

 

_ Zap! _

 

It took him a few minutes to realize that everyone had left when class was over, too distracted in his own thoughts to pay attention to the world around him. Shaking his head at himself, Samandriel pulled his bag over his shoulder and headed outside. There were about forty-five minutes between his first two classes that day. So he sat back down on the picnic table they’d shared, and with a sigh, he tried not to think about how much he was going to miss Benny. 

 

He reached into his backpack for the leftover chicken, not wanting to let it get too warm, only to remember that it was still on Benny’s bike. 

 

“Oh, yeah…” he said to himself with a frown. As much as he was going to miss it, he couldn’t help but think that it was just one more of the many signs pointing him away from the diner. 

 

Swallowing hard, he pulled out some books and forced himself to make good use of his time, no matter what. He couldn’t let himself be distracted, he had a GPA to maintain and one wrong step would mean no more college and Samandriel couldn’t risk that. 

 

Everything he had was riding on the scholarship that kept him afloat. 

 

Nothing else mattered.

* * *

 

 Benny stood there for a long time.  For how long he wasn’t even sure but it was enough that Jo started calling him, more curious than anything.  Everyone at the diner knew about his infatuation with the kid. Everyone. Even his ma knew and all she’d had to do was look at him staring at Samandriel once.  Benny had an inkling even as small as it was that Samandriel could possibly feel something towards him but now he was beginning to think he was wrong. 

 

“Dammit,” Benny sighed and went to get back on his bike when the white styrofoam caught his eye.  Samandriel had forgotten his lunch in his haste to get away from him. His stomach churned with the thought that this could probably be the only thing Samandriel ate today.  College students didn’t have enough money to hardly buy ramen...let alone an actual home cooked meal. It was one of the many reasons why one, Benny had a 30% discount for students and two, why his diner was the most popular and busiest.

 

Benny ran his fingers over his own logo on the box and chewed on his lip.  Should he wait around maybe get a chance to give Samandriel the food? He had an idea of what classes Samandriel took and roughly around what time but wouldn’t that be almost stalkerish behavior?

 

He let out a loud groan and picked up the box, “Hey kid, you hungry?” Benny asked a random student who looked barely eighteen.  He got a wary stare but like any other student, the box was ripped out of his hands and a hasty thank you thrown in his direction as he ran off.  Benny chuckled and shook his head. Time to get back to the diner. He just hoped that he hadn’t scared Samandriel off completely.

 

The days passed slowly, Samandriel’s stomach growling on occasion, though most of it was stubbornness. He’d had food, the grocery store had offered a few more hours and he’d been eager to snap them up. It meant he worked a bit harder but it also meant there was a little spare cash to feed himself properly.

 

But it wasn’t  _ Benny’s. _

 

It had been a late night, but he was lucky enough to have made friends with the lady from housekeeping and she gave him another free packet of coffee so he was at least partially awake when it came time to go to class. 

 

The bus had never been a joy ride, not even the first time when Samandriel was still a bit in awe of everything, but now it felt so cramped and dirty that he worried he was starting to develop claustrophobia. 

 

Thankfully, he only had to ride through a few stops before they finally reached campus. 

 

There was a stutter in his heart when he saw the bike in the mostly empty parking lot. Morning classes didn’t draw the same crowds, so everything seemed to stand out. Surely it wasn’t the same bike, Benny had better things to do than come looking for the likes of him. Though, part of him, really wished he’d paid more attention to the details of Benny’s bike, just to hold on a little tighter to the precious memory. 

 

Samandriel heaved his bag up a little higher on his shoulder and walked to class.

 

He was being ridiculous, Benny wasn’t there. He was at work, surrounded by beautiful and warm people who loved him, just where he belonged. 

 

Benny sighed heavily.  He could have sworn Samandriel had a morning class on Thursdays.  From all of their conversations, Benny pieced it together that today should have been the Journalism class so here Benny was, walking around the building like some stalker psycho.  God, if he didn’t freak Samandriel out before, he was going to now. He rubbed at his face and turned to head back to the parking lot. He was being utterly ridiculous but he couldn't help it.  Samandriel not coming in for days worried him to the point of knots building in his stomach. Maybe if he apologized profusely, they could at least go back to the way things were before Benny put his foot in his mouth.

 

He was halfway towards the parking lot when he saw Samandriel walking towards him, head down and hands shoved into his pockets.  Benny drew in a relieved breath and found himself smiling brightly, waiting for Samandriel to look up and see him.

 

The sidewalk was passing by in a bit of a daze, Samandriel was too busy trying to reconstruct the memory that had kept him going over the last few days. He knew it was silly, that it wouldn’t ever happen again, that Benny certainly deserved better, but in his mind it was probably the most freeing thing he’d ever felt. The wind whipping around them, even at a slow pace felt like flying and he’d never wanted to be able to do it  _ more. _

 

There was a bit of a crack in the pavement and he saw it but he wasn’t paying enough attention and the tip of his shoe slipped into it and the next thing he knew he was tripping. He reached out to brace himself for impact but warm, solid muscle was wrapped around him and a familiar voice against his ear. 

 

“Uh..huh?” 

 

“Got ya angel,” Benny chuckled, gently straightening Samandriel up until he was on his feet.  Those eyes he’d fallen hard for turned up at him, widening and Benny’s heart lurched when Samandriel took a step back, “Shit...I’m-I’m sorry,” he said and lifted up his hands in surrender.

 

He felt cold, colder than he had before. There was warmth and strength in Benny and being so close to it, only to take it away again...felt like torture. 

 

“I-I-,” he stumbled a bit, trying to get his brain to catch up with his mouth. “What are you-I mean why are you here?” 

 

Benny swallowed hard and glanced back at the bag he’d dropped in his haste to catch Samandriel before he fell, “I uh, brought you some food?” he said snatching it up and then handed it over, “I felt bad that you didn’t get to eat the rest of what I made you last time.  And you know...I was worried about you cher,” he said softly.

 

“Benny I’m-I’m okay, you don’t...you don’t  _ have _ to take care of me,” Samandriel said, feeling guilty for the millionth time. He wanted nothing more than to let Benny do just that but the idea that the man felt sorry for him, that he thought him incapable of taking care of himself, just didn't sit right. Samandriel was a screw up, sure...but he’d made it for two years without his father’s money, he could make it another two. 

 

“It’s sweet, what you do for me...it’s  _ really _ sweet and generous and all these other things I can’t pin down but you deserve,” he swallowed, not really wanting to make the confession but not seeing any way around it. “You deserve someone better.”

 

Benny shook his head, “I know I don’t have to take care of you angel but I want to,” he said and hesitated for a split second before he grabbed up Samandriel’s hands, “And you’re wrong when you say I deserve someone better.  I’m the one who decides that and what I want is you Samandriel. What can I do to help you believe me?”

 

Samandriel bit at his lip, everything he wanted standing in front of him, practically begging to be taken but even as awful and ugly as he could be sometimes, he couldn’t do it,  _ could he?  _

 

“Benny, I’m not, I mean I’m not as gracious or generous as you are but I can’t possibly be that selfish either, to try to...to keep you. There’s too many people out there who could give you so much more, I wouldn’t feel right about getting in the way of that,” he said, frowning a bit. 

 

He swallowed and then pushed his shoulders back, finding his confidence. “I’ll come back, let you take care of me, give you everything I can...if you promise that you won’t stop looking for more, okay? I can’t-I can’t hold you back, please?” 

 

“Angel-” Benny stopped himself, staring down into Samandriel’s eyes.  He didn’t want to agree to this but if it was the only way Samandriel would be with him, what choice did he have?  He would just have to work that much harder to convince the boy that Benny didn’t want anyone else.

 

“Okay,” he said moving closer to cup the side of Samandriel’s face.

 

“Okay,” he said, feeling overwhelmingly relieved, momentarily at least. Until he remembered that he’d been on his way to class and he really needed to go. “Oh I have to go but I’ll come by the diner as soon as I get out today, okay? I promise.” 

 

Benny smiled, “Good, here.  Until I see you later,” he said and gently put the bag in Samandriel’s hand before pressing his lips lightly along the boy’s forehead, “Have a good class,” he said.

 

“Y-yeah, okay,” Samandriel stuttered, as he felt his face flushing with warmth. It was nothing, just a chaste press of lips against his skin but somehow it had his whole body humming with warmth and contentment. “See ya,” he said, before walking backward clumsily toward class. 

 

For once, he hoped it sped by. 

 

Samandriel was never more ready to leave his Com 201 class, which was saying something, his professor was probably some kind of hellspawn sent there to torture him, but still preferable than the anxious waiting between him and the time he could rush toward Benny. 

 

He didn’t even bother with the bus, a surge of energy running under his skin as he jogged down the street, his bag wrapped securely over one shoulder as it bounced a bit in front of him. When he finally made it to the beautiful little brick building where Benny’s diner was, Samandriel grinned wider than he probably had in years, maybe ever. 

 

He walked inside, took his seat at the counter and leaned forward, eagerly. “Hi.” 

 

Benny spun around and smiled brightly, “Hey there sweetheart,” he said, “How was class?” he asked as he went through the hatch.  Everything was so new that Benny wasn’t sure if certain things wouldn’t be accepted but he tried anyway. He wrapped Samandriel up into a tight hug and sighed when he was hugged back.

 

“Long,” he said, chuckling a bit. “I missed you, sorry...sorry that it’s been a few days.” 

 

He wanted to apologize for so much more than that but it wasn’t the time or place, Samandriel would just be grateful that he had Benny and that would have to be enough for now. 

 

“It’s okay,” he said and regretfully pulled away, “You hungry?” he asked touching at the side of Samandriel’s face for a second and then turned to get back behind the counter.

 

“A little, but seriously, only a little...okay?” he asked, knowing how much Benny loved to pile his plates full. He didn’t want to waste anything and the small fridge in his motel room stopped working a few nights before, so even leftovers weren’t the best idea. “But maybe umm...maybe something sweet, to celebrate?” 

 

“Sure thing,” Benny chuckled and headed into the back.  He had a fresh strawberry drizzle cheesecake cooling in the fridge and he pulled it out to slice it up.  He got a piece on a plate where he put a couple fresh strawberries and dribbled a bit more of the sauce over top of it.  He placed the rest back in the fridge for tomorrow and brought out the plate for Samandriel, “Here you go cher.”

 

“Where’s yours?” he asked, before reaching over the counter to grab a clean fork from the rack and handing it to him, “Share with me?” 

 

Benny smiled and leaned down on the counter, “Whatever you want cher,” he said and opened his mouth for the piece that Samandriel fed to him.

 

“Oh please, stop being so gross,” Jo teased, hip checking him on her way towards the register.  Benny chuckled and rolled his eyes at her.

 

“I don’t think there’s anything gross about it,” Samandriel said, surprising himself as much as he did Benny it seemed. He took a bite of his own and closed his eyes to savor it, the flavors, the richness. He hadn’t let himself indulge in Benny’s hospitality too much, too terrified of taking more than he should, of being more of a leech than necessary. But in that moment, he felt happier than he’d been in a long time. 

 

When he finished chewing, Samandriel opened his eyes and grinned. “It’s very good, Benny...thank you for sharing it with me.” 

 

Benny chuckled, shaking his head, “You are very welcome,” he said and turned to start helping out customers.  After Samandriel finished off his treat he moved to a booth to where he started working on assignments. Benny found himself constantly looking over to make sure the kid was still there and not just in his imagination.  Each time he was met with a shy smile and Benny’s chest would swell.

 

“Go on boss, why don’t you head out,” Jo said a little over an hour later.  Benny shook his head but she playfully punched his arm, “I’m serious. Start your weekend early, spend some time with him, talk your shit out whatever it is you do.  Just go. I’m sure the rest of us will be thankful we don’t have to see your heart eyes all night.”

 

Benny threw his head back and laughed before engulfing her in a hug, “Thanks sis,” he said.  He held up his hand in a wave to the others and snatched up his stuff from the office.

 

“Hey, you ready to head out?” he asked once he was standing next to Samandriel’s booth.

 

“Oh, yeah...are you? It’s not closing time?” Samandriel asked, a little confused. He’d planned to wait a little longer for Benny to finish up, but he looked like the man was ready to leave. 

 

“Yeah, Jo is insisting that I leave and start my weekend early,” he chuckled with a shrug, “Which I can’t really disagree with, I’ve been eager to start this little vacation for weeks now,” he sighed, moving to slip into the booth across from Samandriel.  His feet were aching and he could really do with a beer right about now.

 

“Oh? What are your plans?” Samandriel asked, surprised to hear that Benny wouldn’t be back to the diner for a few days. The man felt as ingrained there as the bolted down counter and classic photos along the walls. “Going anywhere fun?” 

 

“Nah, just hanging out at home, getting some cleaning done.  And now, I’m hoping you’d like to spend some of that time with me.  So we can get to know each other better,” he said.

 

“Sure, yeah that sounds nice,” Samandriel said, sliding the last of his books into his bag. “I’ve picked up some extra hours, but I should still have quite a bit of free time without classes.” 

 

He zipped up his bag, stood, and draped it over his shoulder. “I should be off by five...so if you could just point me in the right direction, I could be there around, six maybe?” 

 

“Yeah, I’ll text it to you once you give me your number,” Benny said giving the boy a wink.  After all this time he was just now finally getting Samandriel’s number. Damn, he worked backwards.  He chuckled to himself and they swapped numbers. Benny gave him a confused look once they were outside and Samandriel began heading to the bus stop, “Uh, cher, I can give you a lift home,” he said.

 

“Oh that’s ok, it’s no trouble,” Samandriel said, though he could see very well that his words hurt Benny even if he hadn’t meant it. He wasn’t exactly thrilled with the idea of Benny finding out he lived in a motel but the frown on his plump lips made his chest ache and he squirmed. “Okay, yeah sure. That sounds good.”

 

Benny smiled and held his hand out for Samandriel to take.  He’d left the bike home this time, didn’t want it to be sitting out in the parking lot with rain threatening overhead.  He pulled open the door to the truck and helped Samandriel inside before running over to his own side.

 

“Alright, where to?” he asked once he was inside and got the truck running. 

 

“The uh, the Lake Front Motel,” he said, swallowing a bit. The  _ lakefront _ clearly a misnomer given that it was flanked on all four sides by neverending concrete. “It’s right next door to work,” he offered as if that had anything to do with his decision to stay there. 

 

Benny sat back, his eyes staying forward but didn’t make a move to pull out into the road, “You’re staying….you live in a motel?” he asked.  He knew where the Lake Front was and even knew about some of the shady shit that happened there. It made his stomach churn to think of Samandriel having to live there.  Not to mention that rates that they charged were beyond ridiculous.

 

“It’s not too bad,” he lied, though he could tell knew better, or had been there before, either way he wasn’t buying it. Trying to force himself not to feel any more self-conscious than he already did, Samandriel shrugged, “It’s what I can afford. My hours aren’t always the best and apartments don’t rent by the week.” 

 

Benny’s mind was going a mile a minute.  No one he knew was actively looking for a roommate and it was too soon to ask Samandriel to move in with him right?  Benny would let him pay some rent to help Samandriel feel better about it...he did have that whole section of his house meant for a roommate going to waste in his house.  

 

“Cher, I know we’re literally just a few hours into this and I don’t want you to think I’m just trying to save you...that I think you can’t handle yourself.  But that place...it charges an arm and a leg because they know they can. You don’t have to answer me today but will you think about moving into my place? I have this whole part of my house that’s not being used because it’s one of those next-generation homes,” he said.

  
  


“I’ll think about it,” he said, though he doubted he would. It would be weird. He wasn’t the most educated when it came to societal norms but even Samandriel knew that it wasn’t normal for a couple to live together after a day, or a few months either. It was just another thing Benny was doing to try to take care of him. It was sweet, but he’d been a burden most of his life, he didn’t want to start that with Benny too. Partially paying for his meals was one thing, but  _ living with him _ , was something entirely different. 

 

“You’ll let me pay rent?” Samandriel asked, lifting his head to look Benny in the eye. 

 

“Yes, of course.  It’ll actually really help me out too, seeing as how I’m living there by myself,” Benny said.  It was pretty damn far from the truth but if it would help ease Samandriel’s worries to help pay then he’d let it happen.  Hell, he’d probably just put all of the boy’s rent into a jar and give it back to him later. The diner was doing exceptionally well and he was going to start up another business with Dean soon...he wasn’t hurting financially.

 

“Will you really think about it?  Not just tell me you are?” 

 

“I’ll consider it, but I’m not sure it’s a good idea. It’s really nice, all this stuff you’re doing for me. I want you to know how much I appreciate it, but I need to stand on my own too,” he said, squeezing at Benny’s hand a bit. 

 

Benny sighed a little but nodded.  He got the truck out onto the road and headed towards the motel.  It was just as bad in the daylight as it ever was during the day. In fact, it was probably worse.  He got out and hurried to Samandriel’s side to get the door open.

 

Samandriel grinned, “Thanks.” 

 

He hovered a bit, just outside the door, looking up into those gorgeous blue eyes full of concern and apprehension. He barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes, instead, he went up onto his tiptoes and dropped a quick kiss to the man’s fuzzy cheek. “I’ll be okay, Benny.” 

 

Benny forced a smile and nodded, “I know cher,” he said and hugged Samandriel tight to his chest, “Just don’t be afraid to ask for help okay?  I know you don’t need to be rescued but I do want to help you,” he said softly.

 

“I promised to let you take care of me and I will, but not  _ completely _ ,” he said, the warm comfort flooding back into his chest again. Samandriel found himself feeling surprisingly bold and before he could rethink it he asked, “You wanna come in?”

 

“I’d love to,” Benny said and followed him inside.  He tried to not look at the small room as it was and instead, that this was what Samandriel called home.  A few pieces of his art was taped up on the wall and he instantly went to it, smiling when he recognized himself, Jo and his diner in several pieces, “These are amazing.”

 

“Meh, it’s fun,” he answered with a shrug. 

`

Samandriel put his bag down and pulled his jacket off, laying it over the back of the chair by the small table. It had a bit of a broken leg but the bed was straightened up so he gestured toward it and offered Benny a seat. “I enjoy finding inspiration at the diner. It’s...it’s a gorgeous place with a wide variety of people, all beautiful in their own ways.” 

 

“Mmhmm, my place is pretty darn special if I say so myself,” Benny chuckled, sitting down on the bed next to Samandriel, “I’m glad you find so much joy there,” he said turning his head to look at a few more pieces.

 

“It would be impossible not to,” Samandriel said, pulling out his small sketchbook from the side table. He dug a pencil out of his bag and folded himself up on the bed, using his legs to stabilize the pad. “How did you become so good at cooking? Was it something you’ve always had a talent for or did you have to work at it?”

 

Benny smiled and toed off his boots so he could sit further up on the bed, his back resting against the wall, “I think I’ve always had it but it wasn’t until my ma Ellen started asking me to help her in the kitchen that I even realized I loved it.  Dean’s a pretty good cook too, though he takes more after Bobby and grills. I love cooking, baking...everything. At first, it was to help my ma out, then it was to see which different foods would make my siblings happy,” he said with a soft laugh.

 

“So you cook for family?” Samandriel asked, shading in a bit of the background. He didn’t have time for a full-blown sketch, didn’t expect Benny to stay that long but even a rough picture always seemed to make him smile so, he did what he could. 

 

“That’s noble, it was thought to be one of the most sacred traditions by the gods. Providing food and sustenance for your kin and your clan,” he said, his tongue poking out a bit as he erased the cleft of Benny’s jaw. It wasn’t right. “Not to mention,  _ you’re really good at it too.” _

 

Benny shrugged, “Thank you.  Even after cookin all day and bein at the diner, I still find peace in it at home,” he said and then looked over at Samandriel.  He looked adorable leaning back and sketching, his tongue poking out between his lips here and there.

 

“Would you like to have dinner with me?” he asked.

 

“At your house?” Samandriel asked, his hand stilling over the paper but he didn’t look up. His heart pumping hard in a sort of nervous adrenaline spike. Part of him was terrified he’d take one look at the place and Benny would never be able to get him to leave, another part eager and excited to see where the man called home. 

 

“Yes.  I could take you to one of those fancy places if you want but I don’t think you’d like that very much.  Not when I can make a home cooked meal that puts my diner food to shame,” he said with a slow smile.

 

“No fancy places, please,” Samandriel said, feeling instantly more at ease. The promise of Benny and food, was all too tempting. “Okay sure, just um...just let me change and I’ll meet you outside in a few minutes?” 

 

“Of course angel,” he said and lifted up one of Samandriel’s hands to kiss his knuckles, “Take all the time you need,” he said and heaved himself up from the bed.  He grabbed up his boots and gave Samandriel a wink before slipping out through the door.

  
  


Grabbing at the small stack of clothes in his suitcase, Samandriel pulled out the only decent shirt he had. It was deep blue and it had buttons, but one of the girls he’d taken his intro to Com class with, had shown him how to roll up the sleeves and make it look a bit more casual. There were a couple of plain white tees in the bottom of his bag and thankfully, a clean pair of boxer briefs that weren’t too loose. Finally he decided on the khakis instead of jeans, taking a quick second to press some of the wrinkles out with his books while he put on the rest of his outfit.

 

Once he was dressed, he took a couple of swipes at his hair with the cool water from the sink and tried to tame it, though it rarely ever worked.

 

Eventually he decided it wasn’t getting any better, grabbed his bag and locked up behind himself, not that it really mattered. There wasn’t anything of value in there and if there was, it wouldn’t really be safe. 

 

He smiled when he saw that Benny had his door open for him, always the gentleman. “Thank you.” 

 

“Sure thing,” he said and closed the door once Samandriel was seated.  He quickly got in on his side and pointed the truck to the other side of town.  Benny tried to find a house outside of the city limits but not too far that it wasn’t a trip just to get back to work or see his family.  He’d finally found a place where the nearest neighbor was a good five minutes away. It was perfect. 

 

He pulled up to the tuscan style home and breathed a sigh of relief.  He as homebody, never liked leaving unless he had too. One of the many reasons why the diner had to resemble home in some ways.  

 

“Welcome to my house,” he said with a laugh.  He couldn't wait to show Samandriel the before pictures where the house had literally been a dump.  He’d been blessed with the family and friends he had, it helped in the long run with costs and the time consuming labor.

 

“Oh wow,” Samandriel said, looking back at him in surprise. He knew that Benny was probably okay financially, the diner stayed too busy for him to be poor, but he hadn’t expected the gorgeous two story modern beauty, surrounded by lush greenery and a breathtaking sky in the background. He’d never wanted to draw anything more than he did in that moment. 

 

He would have other chances, though, right?

 

“This is, it’s amazing. It’s beautiful, it’s... _ inspirational. _ ” 

 

Benny smiled proudly, taking up Samandriel’s hand and leading him to the front door, “It is a beauty.  Rebuilt the place after I bought through an auction. Everyone thought I was nuts but I didn’t care, I saw what could eventually turn into.  Now, come see my pride and joy,” he said, barely giving Samandriel anytime to look around. Everything else paled in comparison to his kitchen, in his opinion anyway.  

 

His kitchen was the heart of his house and it was easily telling that he loved to cook.  There were double chef style cooktop ovens in the middle with small fridges on the edges of them.  He had counters for days and even more drawers and shelves than he knew what to do with but surprisingly each had something in them.  There was a giant wall with chalkboard paint where he would write meal ideas or his friends would draw. Right now it was bare, having cleaned it up just a few days ago.  Now he really wanted Samandriel to draw something.

 

“So what do you think?”

 

“Wow, this is...this is amazing,” Samandriel said, almost breathless from the view of Benny in a place he so obviously loved and cherished. Somehow it seemed to strike him even more than the diner, maybe it was the privacy, the fact that Benny was sharing these intimate details and shapes of his life with him, he wasn’t sure. It just felt like  _ something _ . 

 

“I don’t have words, it just...it’s  _ you _ , in a room. It’s gorgeous, generous, warm, inviting, attractive, charming, all of those things, obviously, but also  _ more _ …” 

 

Benny felt his cheeks flush with warmth and he chuckled, “Thank you angel.  Now, while I think of somethin to make you can explore if you want. Though I do want you to draw somethin on that before the night ends,” he said nodding towards the chalkboard wall.

 

“Anything I want?” Samandriel asked, waiting for a quick nod from Benny. 

 

He smiled as he picked up a piece of chalk and drew a small heart in the top right corner, “There.” 

 

Benny looked over his shoulder at it and laughed, “Really?  That’s all? With the masterpieces I saw earlier I was hoping for something a bit bigger!” he said dramatically.  He got the bag of potatoes on the counter and walked over to where Samandriel was standing, the piece of chalk still clutched in his fingers.  Benny plucked it out of his hand and grinned.

 

“Gonna pull a cheesy move here,” he said and then added the letter ‘B’ and then the letter ‘S’ on either side of the heart, “There, much better.”

 

“You’re ridiculous,” Samandriel said, chuckling a bit as he playfully batted against Benny’s muscular arm. “I was hoping to get outside before the light faded. I wasn’t joking when I said that view was breathtaking.” 

 

“Go on ahead cher, explore.  I’ll start makin dinner,” Benny smiled leaning down to press a kiss against Samandriel’s temple.  He ached for more but had a gut feeling that things needed to go slowly between them. He’d wait, Samandriel was worth it.

 

“Thanks,” he said, quickly hugging Benny before he grabbed up his bag and headed straight for the door. 

 

It felt like just a few minutes that the man found him there but the light was telling another story. It was almost fully dark now, the beautiful sconces surrounding the house glowing softly in the absence of the sun. It was still just as lovely surrounded by the hint of darkness, of mystery. Samandriel found himself aching to just stay, just stay in view of the house so that he could see it at every point of light. 

 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to spend so long out here...it’s just, it’s fascinating,” he said, closing up his sketchbook and tucking it away for later. 

 

“Don’t worry about it angel.  Would have gladly let you stay longer but dinner’s ready.  If you want afterwards, we can take a walk. There’s a little path that leads to a pond out back that way,” Benny said pointing towards a group of trees.

 

“There’s a pond?” he asked, feeling his eyes widen. The place just seemed to become more and more beautiful. He groaned and tried to remember why he wasn’t moving in already. It was a delicate situation but the more he saw the more enticing the offer became. Things like distance and the need for independence seemed to vanish as he fell as hard for the house, the property, as he had for the man and his delicious food. 

 

“You’re really not going to make this easy on me are you?” he said, feeling his lips draw up in an almost pout. 

 

Benny chuckled, “I don’t know if I should be apologizing for that but even if I should, it would be a lie,” he said taking Samandriel’s hand, “You think this is somethin?  Wait till you see the part of the house that would entirely be yours if you moved in. But dinner first cher, don’t want it to get cold,” he said gently leading Samandriel towards the house.  He went a bit light for this meal, not wanting to overwhelm Samandriel with too much too soon. It was a basic angel hair pasta with baked chicken bits mixed in. There was a bowl of fresh salad and breadsticks if Samandriel chose to take some.  Everything had been laid out on the little nook he had in the kitchen, wanting to keep things a bit more intimate than eating at his dining table.

 

“Wow, this is...you never cease to amaze me,” Samandriel said, chewing at the corner of his mouth a little as he looked up at the man holding his chair out for him. Before he could think better of it, Samandriel stepped into the chair and wrapped his arms around Benny’s strong neck and kissed him flat on the mouth.

 

It was a clumsy, mostly innocent, but still nearly dangerous thing but he didn’t regret a single second of it. Benny seemed surprised and that made him chuckle a bit when he pulled away. “Thank you, it's lovely.” 

 

Benny smiled brightly, his arms wrapping around Samandriel’s waist, “You’re welcome sweetheart.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


Benny pulled up the house after being at the diner all day.  He’d arrived around six a.m. and now it was closing in around five in the evening.  He was bone tired but his spirits lifted when he saw Samandriel’s little motorbike sitting on his portion of the driveway.  It had taken a little persuasion and several promises on Benny’s part but Samandriel finally ended up moving in with him about two weeks after they started dating.  The rent he charged his boyfriend was fair after doing some research and both of them had found out just how much that damn motel was gouging Samandriel. It was horrendous and the end result was the cute powder blue Vespa Samandriel now proudly owned.  Of course, it had been used and desperately in need of repairs but thankfully, Benny knew a guy.

 

The very guy who actually put his stamp of approval on Samandriel the day Benny introduced them.  In fact, Samandriel had pretty much met everyone in his family by now, three months later. The only person he hadn’t, was Castiel.  

 

That was a subject Benny was only slightly avoiding.  To say he and Castiel had a past was an understatement.  An outsider would look in on their situation and think it weird and inappropriate.  The family didn’t think so. But Benny was afraid that Samandriel would be one of the ones who looked at him like he was a horrible person.

 

Benny shook his head and drowned those thoughts right down the hole.  He was exhausted and all he wanted to do was snuggle with his little boyfriend.  The physical part of their relationship was still growing, small hesitant kisses had turned into short PG-13 type make out sessions.  Hands completely above the waist and outside the clothing. 

 

He finally managed to pull himself out of the truck and trudged into the house.  There was a muffled sound coming from the backyard and he couldn’t help grinning.  Samandriel spent more time outside then his little portion of the house. Benny had upgraded it a bit with a porch swing, some more lights and even purchased an easel second hand for Samandriel’s birthday...which he almost missed because Samandriel didn’t want to tell him.  

 

His first stop was the fridge to grab a beer for himself and one of Samandriel’s fresh juices he was quickly becoming obsessed with and a bowl of strawberries.  Within a few minutes, he was exiting out the back of the house and smiled at the sight of Samandriel drawing, his back to Benny and his voice barely heard over the music playing on the beat up stereo.

 

“Hey angel,” Benny called out, setting the items in his arms down on the table.

 

“Oh, hey… you home early or...?” he asked, once again realizing that time had slipped away from him. While living with Benny he’d had to force himself to do his school work, which was even more of a labored task than usual. Somehow, Samandriel found himself drawing twice as much as before and while he felt happier in almost every sense of the word, he knew it wasn’t good for him. He needed to focus on his communications classes, his journalism degree, but being at Benny’s, surrounded by inspiration and nature and beauty, made it nearly impossible to put down the pencils and paints. 

 

Benny chuckled at the pure look of confusion on his boyfriend’s face.  Maybe getting him the easel wasn’t such a great idea, he knew Samandriel was stressed out about school work.  Benny  _ should _ be the one to help him focus but Samandriel was so utterly happy when he was drawing that Benny didn’t have the heart to tell him to stop.  Over the last several months he’d learned exactly what Samandriel had gone through when he was a kid. And if Benny could give him any joy, no matter how small, Benny would bend over backwards to do so.

 

“Well, earlier than usual anyway,” he said leaning in for a kiss, “How was your day sweetheart?”

 

“Good, I finished the essay for Communications and the editorial piece for Professor Jax, pretty early,’ he said, nibbling at the tip of his paintbrush. “I just kinda got caught up in this, you know how I get sometimes...it’s too pretty here.” 

 

“Next time I’ll pick an uglier place to live,” Benny teased offering Samandriel a strawberry, “You have dinner yet?” he asked.

 

Before he could answer his stomach growled and Benny chuckled, “Sorry...I can make us some sandwiches though...out of the leftovers?” 

 

“Sure cher.  Not really up to cooking tonight, need some help cleaning up?” he asked pointing to the glorious mess Samandriel seemed to make each time he painted.  At first he panicked, thinking Benny would care or become angry that there was paint everywhere but Benny loved it. Not only because he was completely infatuated with Samandriel, he actually enjoyed seeing the array of colors splattered over the stone porch.

 

“No that’s okay, I’ll clean up in a bit. Let me just wash my hands and stuff and I’ll make us some food and you can just relax, okay?” he said, grateful for the rare opportunity to take care of Benny in return. “Here, take my seat and I’ll be right back.” 

 

Samandriel didn’t wait for the man to answer just pushed him toward the swing and grabbed a strawberry from the bowl before heading toward the kitchen to clean his hands and get them both some real food. He wasn’t a chef by any means but Benny had taught him how to make a decent sandwich out of whatever was in the fridge. Though he’d be the first to admit the fact that Benny had leftover brisket in there made it a lot easier.

 

He toasted his own bread, then Bennys, and assembled a small tower of sandwiches. Before he went out to the porch though, he grabbed a bag of sour cream chips and carried them out with him. 

 

“Here we go,” he said, sitting the plate down on the table beside the swing before carefully climbing onto Benny’s lap. He gave him a quick, soft kiss and hummed happily. “Mmm better, now we should eat.”

 

Benny smiled and hugged Samandriel close to him, his face nuzzling into Samandriel’s neck as he sighed, “Much better,” he said, allowing him a few precious seconds before pulling away, “Thanks for makin these, you’d think being around food all day I’d have found some time to shove some into my mouth,” he grumbled as he picked up one of the sandwiches and took a huge bite.

 

“You haven’t in ages, I don’t know why you think you’d be able to  _ now _ ,” Samandriel said, lifting an eyebrow. Everyone knew how much Benny loved the place, and nobody wanted to take that away from him but it was growing beyond what even he could accomplish and it was so busy that it wasn’t just the owner that was struggling to put food in his belly while on shift. “You’re going to have to hire some more help or start turning people away soon.” 

 

Benny sighed, choosing to finish his sandwich before replying, “I’ve tried sweetheart but everyone I keep hiring are tired college students who end up quitting a few weeks in,” he said putting his half eaten sandwich down.  It wasn’t a lie, the majority of the applications he received were from college kids trying to make just a little extra to feed themselves. Benny all but ignored the others, feeling that he should give the job to the students first.  But it was only hurting him in the end.

 

“With how busy the diner is right now and the garage Dean wants to open, I have to hire at least four competent people to make sure the diner is taken care of,” he mumbled.

 

“You’ve got a big heart  _ and _ a soft spot for students, but there are other people out there who need jobs desperately and are willing and able to work more than ten hours a week before falling over from exhaustion,” he said, shaking his head. Benny would run himself into the ground before he trusted his diner to just anyone. Maybe he could talk him into a promotion for Jo or one of the others. “I know it’s not been easy but you’ll find the right ones and I can help out for a bit if you want.” 

 

“I’ve been wanting to ask if you’d like to come work at the diner.  I know that grocery store can’t give you the hours that you need but I didn’t want you thinkin I was just handin you the job because we’re dating,” Benny said stealing a quick kiss, “I’m gonna make some changes at the diner.  Jo and Ash have been on my ass about it just like you’ve been. It’s just...that place is my baby,” he laughed.

 

“I know,” he grinned, “It’s a special place, you have every right to be picky and particular about it, and who’s running it.” 

 

Samandriel took another bite of his delicious sandwich and stole a chip from the bag Benny had just opened. It was the perfect combination of sweet and salty. Once he finished chewing, he sipped at his juice before he spoke again. “But you seriously do need to hire some new people, I can look through the applications again and maybe this time you’ll interview someone who  _ isn’t _ a student.” 

 

Benny laughed, “How about this, you interview ‘em and I’ll pay you for it?” Benny asked with quirked brow.

 

“Oh yeah, pay me with what?” Samandriel teased, running his fingertip down Benny’s nose making it scrunch up adorably. It was clear Benny meant money and while Samandriel never really had too much of that lately, he wasn’t as interested in it as he’d been a few months ago. Benny fed him, practically clothed him, if you counted the money he saved on rent going towards some new jeans and a winter coat. Not to mention the fact that he was pretty sure the man was saving every dime he paid in, only to try to give it back to him at some point. Not that Samandriel would take it, but he’d seen the small pile of bank receipts when looking for an ice cream scoop. 

 

“You know, most  _ boyfriends _ just ask their  _ boyfriends _ for favors instead of offering to pay them…” 

 

Benny sighed, letting his head fall back a bit before lifting it back up to give his boyfriend a sheepish smile, “Samandriel, my precious boyfriend, would you please do me a favor and hire some people for my diner?  Please?” he asked and batted his eyelashes for an added effort.

 

“What’s in it for m-” Samandriel squealed, Benny’s fingers playfully digging into his sides. He jerked around enough that his sandwich nearly dropped to the ground, Benny’s fast reflexes gratefully catching it just in time. 

 

“H-hho-Ben-ny-ohh-kaay-,” he gasped, still chuckling when the man’s tickling touches stopped. 

 

“You are such a little brat sometimes,” Benny teased, going back into tickle monster mode the second he was sure the food was safe from hitting the floor.  They twisted around, nearly falling off the swing until Benny was slightly hovering over him, “But...you are my brat,” he grinned and leaned down for a chaste kiss.

 

“Yours,” Samandriel agreed, feeling a warm contentment course under his skin. “C’mon, let’s finish eating...then I might have an idea or two about how you could convince me to do all these terrible interviews for you.”

  
  


* * *

 

Samandriel stacked the papers neatly on the corner of Benny’s desk. He’d given nearly ten interviews before lunch but he still felt like he was trying to “play” at being a grown up. Maybe one day it would fit better on his shoulders but for the moment he was just grateful it wasn’t his full time job, he could  _ not _ be Benny. 

 

There was a knock at the door and he put a smile on his face and went to open it. “Hello, I’m Samandriel and I’ll be conducting your interview today, would you like to have a seat?” 

 

Castiel smirked.  He’d come to the diner in hopes of cornering Benny and asking why he hadn’t met his new flame.  Everyone else had and Castiel knew why, he wasn’t an idiot but still, it kinda hurt. But now, looking right at his ex's new boyfriend, he could definitely see why Benny didn’t want them to meet just yet.  Benny had a type, whether he was aware of it or not Castiel had no idea but three years ago, Castiel was exactly that. Younger, thin, naive...basically a twink. Being with Benny allowed him to grow up and realize what he truly wanted from this world and sadly, it wasn’t being with the bear of a man.  Castiel still felt extreme amounts of guilt for falling in love with his ex's best friend but he never once cheated on Benny. It took about half a year for him to even move on and attempt dating Dean after their break up.

 

Now, Castiel could do this one of many ways.  Introduce himself and apologize for the confusion, or...play along.  His grin grew wider as he held out his hand, “Hello, thank you for having me,” he said and sat down once Samandriel shook his hand.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name. Do you have your application?” Samandriel asked, looking through the short stack of those left for anything that might fit. 

 

“Oh I apologize, my name is Castiel Novak.  I actually don’t have an application, I heard you were hiring and thought I’d give it a chance,” he said biting his bottom lip.  He was trying for innocence but in actuality, he was trying to not laugh.

 

There was a crash outside the office and Castiel turned to grin at Ash who had just dropped a whole crate of dirty dishes.

 

“Damn it all to hell!” Ash grumbled, his head popping up when he felt someone staring, “Oh heya Cas, Benny stepped out for a minute.  You good in there Saman- dude man you gotta nickname I can call ya besides Angel cause that’d be just weird,” Ash asked.

 

Castiel snorted and looked over at Samandriel who looked all sorts of confused.

 

“Call me whatever you want, Ash…” he answered, a bit distractedly before taking another look at the guy sitting across from him. He swallowed hard, feeling his pulse rocket and the sound of it echo into his ears. “You know Benny?” 

 

Castiel chuckled, “Yes.  Sorry, I’m a bit of an asshole,” he said and grabbed a pencil to chuck at Ash’s head when the guy practically cackled, “Assbutt.  I take it Benny hasn’t told you about me?” he asked with a shake of his head.

 

A raw, ugly feeling swooped low in his stomach and Samandriel had to swallow to stop himself from throwing up. Of course, Benny had someone else, of course, he did. The guy even looked similar to him in build and shape and...and eye color. 

 

“Not specifically but I’m sure he meant to,” Samandriel said, trying his damndest to be polite. He’d expected it, he’d told himself time and time again that Benny wasn’t just for him. Yet somehow it still felt as if someone had knocked the wind out of him and parked a freight train on top of his chest. 

 

He wasn’t sure how he did it but eventually, Samandriel was able to speak again,“It’s very nice to meet you, Castiel.’ 

 

Castiel could see the gears working in Samandriel’s head and decided that this was definitely not the time to air out his and Benny’s laundry, “Yes, it’s good to finally meet you as well.  I haven’t really gotten to see much of Benny lately, probably why he hasn’t mentioned me. But I’m Dean’s boyfriend,” he said. It wasn’t the whole truth but he hoped it would be enough to soothe over some of the raw tension he saw building in the other guy’s eyes.

 

“Of course,” he said with a smile, though he still felt ill at ease. He couldn’t place where he’d seen Castiel before but he was sure that he had  _ actually _ seen him, or maybe a photo or something. Swallowing, he forced himself to keep going. “He’ll be back soon, if you’d like to wait for him.” 

 

Castiel nodded, “Yeah, I’ll go back out to the dining room.  It was nice meeting you Samandriel,” he said with a smile and got up.  He gave the other guy an awkward wave and headed out of the office.

 

There’s another handful of candidates and while Samandriel struggled a bit to focus solely on the interviews, he found them all fairly acceptable. He’d made a short-list in his head but he wanted to discuss it with Benny before offering anyone an actual position. He’d make some recommendations but after that it was up to the owner. 

 

He thanked the last one, Caesar, for coming and promised they’d be in touch. 

 

He took a drink from the bottle of water he’d been sipping at all day and sighed, finally forcing himself out of the office. It wouldn’t do any good for him to hide away and not deal with what was coming.. 

 

Whatever Benny wanted, whatever made him happy. 

 

He stepped back into the busy part of the restaurant, the small smile dropping when he saw Benny’s strong arms wrapped around Castiel’s lean body. He buried the awful, ugly things he felt and forced another smile. If that was what Benny wanted, that should be what he got...though Samandriel did feel a pang of sadness for Dean. 

 

“Hey, I just wanted to let you know I was done...there’s a stack of five on the desk, all eager and ready to work. I don’t think you could go wrong with any of them,” he said, once Benny finally pulled away from the boy at least. 

 

Benny smiled brightly at Samandriel after letting Castiel go.  He’d been surprised and nearly knocked off his feet when he saw his ex sitting there with his usual shit-eating grin but Benny figured that was a sign that he needed to get on with it.

 

“Hey sweetheart, thank you so much for doing this for me,” Benny sighed going in for a hug but stopped when his boyfriend flinched.  He frowned and looked over at Castiel who seemed just as confused.

 

“I should probably get going,” Castiel said biting his bottom lip, “Dean, me and several others are going out this Friday, you two should come,” he said and then gave that awkward wave again before heading out of the diner.

 

“It’s not a problem, I didn’t mind, Benny.” Samandriel moved toward the booth by the door where his bag was sitting and pulled it over his shoulder. “I’ve got some homework to do so I think I’m just gonna head back to the house...do you need anything else?” 

 

Benny frowned and followed him, “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked.

 

“Nothing, just a little tired,” Samandriel lied, twisting the strap of his bag in his fist. He did the best he could at putting on the act but he knew the longer he stayed the more easily it would all fall apart. “No big deal, I’ll take a nap later.” 

 

Benny wanted to ask more but he was getting called from the kitchen, “We’ll talk when I get home okay?” he asked, “Can I have a hug at least before you go?”

 

“Sure,” Samandriel said, biting back the insecurity he felt. He wrapped around Benny and sagged a bit from the warmth and relief. He knew it wasn’t right, that he was practically feeding off the man; using him for his own twisted comfort. It was just that when he was there, sheltered in Benny’s firm muscle, it was impossible not to feel safe and protected. 

 

He pulled himself away before he could sink any further into it and smiled up at the man, “I’ll see you later.” 

 

Benny nodded sadly and watched Samandriel leave the diner.  Did he do something wrong? Maybe the interviews had been too much and overwhelming for his boyfriend.  Benny shook his head and quickly got behind the counter to help with the next rush of customers. Once he had a spare moment to himself he got back into the office to check out the applicants that Samandriel had found for him.  He liked the majority of them, putting his favorites on the top to call the next morning. For now though he had paperwork to catch up and then he’d be heading home to find out what was really going on.

 

Samandriel used his own private entrance when he got back to Benny’s house, he’d been calling it home in his head and that was probably one of his first mistakes, so he’d have to work harder to keep things right in his mind. Things like that were probably the reason he was so surprised by Castiel. He let his foolishness and naivety overwhelm him and it only hurt in the end. 

 

He tried to focus on his homework, though that was asking too much for even his disciplined mind. Samandriel eventually gave up and moved toward the kitchen. His stomach growled, which made him realize that he’d skipped lunch without Benny being there to push it on him. 

 

The rest of the diner workers were too busy and he was a grown-ish person, he shouldn’t need someone to look after him. 

 

He could feed himself. 

 

He’d almost made it to the fridge when something jumped out at him, a small pile of photos in a basket on the buffet table by the entryway. 

 

Swallowing hard, he almost ignored it, but he just couldn’t actually move away. He didn’t want to know, was sure it would hurt, but found himself looking anyway.

 

Somehow, despite knowing better, Samandriel had still held onto some false hope that it wasn’t what it seemed, that Benny and Castiel weren’t…but seeing the shape of Benny’s smile and the brightness in his eyes when he was with the other guy, it was impossible to ignore. 

 

He put the pictures down and grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge and went back to his room. He couldn’t look at them anymore, didn’t want to think about them, just wanted it to go away. 

 

He locked his door for the first time in the months that he’d been there and let himself break, just a little. 

 

It was a few hours later that Benny finally managed to leave the diner in Jo’s capable hands.  He’d taken Samandriel’s advice and promoted her to head manager and Ash to assistant. They were more than happy to share the workload as well as the pay raise Benny gifted them with.  He couldn't wait to tell Samandriel as well the three people he planned on hiring out of the pool Samandriel chose for him. The fourth, well, he’d choose that one tomorrow after he made the phone calls.  

 

He was a little thrown when he entered the silent house.  Usually, Samandriel would be outside or relaxing on the couch but nothing.  He slowly walked towards the door that connected Samandriel’s section with the main part of the house.  

 

“What the-” he muttered when he tried to turn the knob but it didn’t budge.  Samandriel locked him out? Now he was really worried. What the hell had he done so badly that his boyfriend was now locking him out.  He knocked on the door and stood there waiting.

 

When there was no answer Benny shook his head and went into the kitchen to get some water.  Confusion and hurt raced through him. He was sure he hadn’t done anything wrong. Castiel said he teased Samandriel a bit and then excused himself to sit and wait for Benny to get there.  He shook his head and went to go knock again when the stack of photos caught his eye. They’d always been there, sometimes he’d go through the pile and switch out the ones he had on the fridge with them.  Most of the pictures were of him and different members of his family but he had forgotten that a few were from when he and Castiel dated. They weren’t anything risque, just cute images that Benny treasured to this day.  One being Benny giving Castiel a piggyback ride while hiking, the kid had twisted his ankle and demanded Benny carry him. The smile on their faces were true and genuine and always managed to make Benny feel lighter. 

 

The one on the top though, the one he was sure Samandriel had seen was of them on the couch together, snuggling during a nap.  He forgot who took the picture but there it was, plain as day. And if Samandriel hadn’t looked close enough, he’d probably assume that the picture was recent.  

 

“Shit,” he groaned and went back to the door to pound on it, “Samandriel!  Open the door please cher?”

 

Samandriel whined morosely, his head swirling a bit as he was pulled out of the darkness. He didn’t want to get up, didn’t want to move, but it wasn’t fair to Benny to punish him for something he’d basically told him to do. 

 

“Just a minute,” he said, though it came out a little more slurred than he’d have liked. 

 

He straightened himself up a bit, moved toward the bathroom and ran some water over his face before popping a couple of aspirin. When he finally felt less like death, he unlocked the door and opened it, turning his back on the sight immediately. “Sorry about that, I-I’ll do better in the future.” 

 

“What?” Benny asked walking into Samandriel’s area.  He could smell the wine and found the bottle on the coffee table.  The frown already on his face deepened when he lifted it up and saw that it was nearly empty, “Samandriel, what is going on?  What did I do?” he asked almost desperately.

 

“Nothing, nothing...it’s me,” he said, trying to reassure Benny that he was perfectly fine with their arrangement continuing on, for as long as he’d have him at least. “I wasn’t feeling well earlier and drank a little too much. I’m fine, sorry to have worried you.” 

 

Benny dragged a hand down his face and reached out for Samandriel, “Please tell me the truth?  Is this about Castiel?” he asked.

 

Samandriel swallowed, he should have put those damn pictures back how he’d found them but it had been too overwhelming at the time. “I told you not to stop looking for more, I can’t exactly be angry with you for finding it. I’ll be fine, Benny...just might take a day or two to readjust.” 

 

“God dammit.  No, this is my fault.  I should have told you sooner about Castiel.  Sweetheart, he’s my ex. We broke up over three years ago, we’ve become best friends since then and he and Dean are together now,” he explained, wanting so badly to touch Samandriel but the last two times he tried Samandriel had flinched from him.

 

“Still, I can’t imagine  _ this _ ,” he said, gesturing toward himself, “is what you’ve always wanted.” 

 

A hollow, empty laugh escaped his throat and Samandriel shook his head. “It’s fine, I’m here until you find something better, just like I promised.” 

 

The longer Samandriel spoke the more angry Benny became, “Would you stop?  You’re not just some space saver until someone else comes along! I want  _ you _ !  God, if only you knew just how badly I want you cher,” he said and allowed for some of the lust he felt for his boyfriend to bleed through his eyes as he stepped closer.

 

“I don’t want anyone else angel, just you,” he said, his words edged with a growl.

 

“Okay,” Samandriel said, though he wouldn’t fool himself into believing it again. He’d give Benny everything he could until the inevitable day that someone else turned his head and then he’d bow out gracefully, or well, without a fuss at least. 

 

“I’ll just clean up and I’ll be in for dinner. Do you want to cook or would you rather call something in?” he asked, though the words fell flat in the air and on his tongue. He couldn’t bring himself to pretend anymore and he knew it was making Benny angry even if he wasn’t looking at him. 

 

Benny sighed heavily and shrugged, “There’s some leftovers in the fridge if you want them I’m gonna shower and...I don’t know,” he said and shrugged again before going back into the main house.  He had thought for sure that the little comment Samandriel had made the first day of them being together had been forgotten. That Benny had proved himself well enough that Samandriel didn’t have to think of that anymore.  Now it was apparent that Benny had failed and his boyfriend didn’t trust him. He didn’t like this whirlwind of emotions one bit. 

 

“Okay,” Samandriel said, before turning his attention back to the mess he’d made of his room. It wasn’t too bad, honestly, but he tried to keep everything neat and organized in the house. Benny wasn’t as concerned about it as his father had been but after years of tidying up after himself, it wasn’t something he thought about so much as just  _ needed  _ to do. 

 

He reached for the wine bottle first, taking a picture of the label once Benny had left the room. It had tasted good so it was probably expensive. He’d have to remember to buy another, not that the man seemed to care what he used, or ate, or drank. Still, Samandriel wouldn’t allow himself to be any more of a leech than he already was naturally. 

 

It took some time but eventually everything was put back in its place and the itch under his skin calmed to a slight buzz. The pain pills had kicked in and his headache was mostly gone and Samandriel decided it was time to come out of hiding. 

 

It wasn’t doing either of them any good. 

 

He wandered through the main house looking for Benny and not finding him in any of the main rooms, which undoubtedly meant he’d holed himself away in his bedroom. Well if he thought that was going to stop him, he was wrong. 

 

At least that’s what he told himself to give him the courage to knock on the door. “Benny, may I come in?” 

 

“Yeah,” he called out.  He’d taken a shower but hadn’t gotten dressed yet.  He was sitting on the edge of his bed, towel tightly wrapped around his waist with his head in his hands.  A good rinse off should have helped get his mind cleared up but too many questions kept coming up right after the ones he thought he had answered went away.  It was still pretty early but at this rate, he was ready to go to sleep.

 

“I was thinking we could order in, maybe watch a movie? Is that okay?” Samandriel asked, his eyes raking over the exposed skin. He swallowed down his nerves and moved closer. The only way was to keep going. “What about that one with the uh, the guy you like...and all the explosions?” 

 

“Sure, do whatever you feel like doin,” Benny said forcing a smile before getting up on his feet.  It did sound good, even if he was still all kinds of wrong on the inside. He didn’t know which would better, to call it a night or snuggle with his boyfriend on the couch.  It was clear as day that Samandriel didn’t believe a word he’d said a few moments ago and Benny wasn’t sure how okay he was with that.

 

“I was hoping you’d join me,” Samandriel said, though the conversation between them was undeniably awkward, he could tell that Benny’s smile and attitude was forced, even more so than his own. 

 

Benny sighed and nodded, “Sure.  Let me get dressed and I’ll meet you on the couch,” he said and headed straight to his dresser to pull out some comfortable pj pants.

 

“Benny wait…” Samandriel said, reaching out for his hand before the man was able to pull on his pants. Heat flooded his face when he realized what he’d done but he didn’t let it stop him. “I know I messed things up, I understand that it might take some time for us to get back to whatever the new normal is, but please believe me when I say that you’re...that I’m lucky to have you and I won’t be going anywhere unless you ask me to leave.” 

 

Benny stared down at him and nodded again, his free hand reaching up to touch the side of Samandriel’s face.  Relief flooded through him when there was no flinching, if anything Samandriel pressed into his touch, “It’s okay cher, we’ll figure it out,” he said softly.

 

Whether it was Benny’s determination not to find anyone else or his own need to be closer, he wasn’t sure, but Samandriel felt more confident than he had in a long time. He reached for the pants in Benny’s hand and pulled them from his thick fingers and laid them on top of the dresser. He licked his lips a bit and gently grabbed at the other hand where Benny was holding onto the knot in the towel. 

 

He looked up into those bright blue eyes, a clear question in his own. 

 

Benny swallowed hard, slowly releasing the towel in his grip.  It brushed the back of his legs as it pooled around his ankles on the floor.  He knew it wasn’t the right time to do this but he was a man who could deny himself only so much.

 

Samandriel had expected Benny to be, well large...everything about the man was large; his body, his personality, his laugh. He’d felt the man rub against him more than a few times when they were kissing and petting one another, but even soft Benny was fairly thick and not at all what someone would consider small. 

 

He wanted to know more, insatiable curiosity burned in him with a passion he hadn’t felt since he first discovered drawing. “Sit down, please...on the bed, I mean,” he said, watching as Benny followed his direction. Samandriel had always imagined it the other way around but somehow, it felt right for the moment. 

 

“I’m just going to...just tell me if you want me to stop, okay?” 

 

“Wait,” Benny gently grabbed onto Samandriel’s waist and peered up into his face, “Sweetheart you’re not doing this just to make things better between us are you?” he asked.

 

That made him smile,  _ actually  _ smile. “No Benny...I’m not trying to put a band-aid on it or patch it up with sex. I just...you’re gorgeous and you were practically naked, I can hardly control myself as it is…”

 

Benny laughed, pulling Samandriel in closer so he could nuzzle his face against Samandriel’s stomach, “Nice to know, the feeling is mutual,” Benny groaned.  His fingers itched to dive under Samandriel’s shirt to touch at his soft skin but he refrained. Hopefully soon he’d be able to touch all that was hiding under all those layers.

 

“Always has been,” Samandriel said, dropping to his knees in front of Benny. He didn’t have a lot of experience with sex but he was curious and observant, maybe that would be enough for now. 

 

He started off slow, fingers wrapped softly around it. It seemed the promise of something more than cuddling had Benny growing steadily in his hand. Samandriel moved his fist a bit, squeezing as the thick shaft plumped in his grip and his mouth began to water. 

 

“Wow…,” he said, feeling an excitement tingle throughout his body. “it’s not even halfway there is it?”

 

Benny licked his dry lips and shook his head, “No, almost though,” he answered, leaning back on his hands to watch as Samandriel stroked him to full hardness which didn’t take long at all. Soon he was hard and pulsing, his cock curving up towards his stomach, “Mmm, feels good angel,” he hummed as pleasure raced through him.

 

Samandriel could barely hold his thoughts back, every movement seemed catered to drive him wild. Benny wasn’t even doing anything, just leaning back and letting him explore but he felt as thoroughly debauched as if he’d been naked and panting with release. Instead, he was still very much clothed and Benny hadn’t laid a hand on him. 

 

“Did you know that you’re the first person I’ve ever touched like this?” Samandriel said, the words soft and distant even to his own ears. He couldn’t believe he was admitting to it, not that Benny would mind but Samandriel often felt ashamed of his inexperience when his peers were all too exuberant in sharing their own.  

 

“I didn’t know it would be like this, so... _ sinful _ ,” he said, feeling Benny freeze a bit in his grip. “Oh don’t worry, I-Ilike it, If I  _ had _ known, it would have only encouraged me to do it sooner.” 

 

Benny groaned at the very thought that he was going to be the first one to touch Samandriel, to bring him pleasure and if he did it right, would ruin him for all others.  The thought made him smirk and Samandriel gave him a questioning look.

 

“Just thinking of all the ways I can ruin you for anyone else,” he said with a hiss as Samandriel’s thumb dragged over the head of his cock.  A spurt of pre-cum dribbled out and slowly trailed down his shaft.

 

“You don’t have too cher but some like it,” he said once he saw that Samandriel’s eyes had zoned in on that pearlescent drop.

 

Samandriel knew that Benny was implying for him to taste and he knew he would, but first…

 

He gathered the bead onto his finger and instead of pulling it straight to his mouth, he held it up, silently begging Benny to come closer and taste himself. The mere thought of it had him painfully hard and Samandriel had to fight his own body not to search out friction against the bed between Benny’s spread legs. 

 

“You first,” he said, heat growing rapidly in his gut. 

 

Without any hesitation Benny leaned in and dragged his tongue up the length of Samandriel’s finger before pulling the whole digit into his mouth, sucking slowly.  He got to see up close how Samandriel’s eyes blew out, more black then blue now. He chuckled softly and gave one more suck to Samandriel’s finger and then backed away.

 

“That...wow,” he said, before scrambling back to get his hands on Benny again. He wanted a taste of his own, and quickly. He wanted,  _ needed _ to share in the experience in an almost desperate way. It only took a few pumps before there was enough for him and Samandriel swooped in to lick it up eagerly. 

 

He hadn’t even thought about what it would do for Benny to have his mouth there, just consumed by the need to taste but there was a harsh gasp and a choked of moan when he pulled away and it only made him want more. Without asking for permission or acceptance, Samandriel pulled the tip into his mouth and sucked generously. 

 

“Oh fuck, cher….shit, slow, go slower,” Benny grunted but when Samandriel didn’t listen he gently grabbed at his boyfriend’s chin.  The whine that ripped out of Samandriel went straight into his gut and he had to quickly grip the base of his cock with his other hand, “Sweetheart, you keep doin that and I’m gonna finish a lot sooner than you want,” he said in a rush.

 

“You don’t want to orgasm?” Samandriel asked, a little confused. He would have understood if Benny wasn’t enjoying it or if he was taking too much too fast but Samandriel was fine and the way his throat was coated with warmth was a trusted sign of Benny’s pleasure. 

 

Benny laughed, “Well yeah of course but it’s been a while for me and I’m not gonna last very long if you keep going the way you are.  If you’re not disappointed with that then hell ya, keep going cher,” Benny smirked, leaning back on his hands. 

 

“Should I be disappointed?” Samandriel asked, he wouldn’t be...that much he knew, but maybe there was something he was missing. 

 

“I would hope not but some people do if their partner cums too soon,” Benny explained, “As long as you don’t care keep goin.  But, if you want me to last longer then we’re gonna have to go a slower pace.”

 

Samandriel thought on it for a moment before Benny’s erection twitched in his hand and he smiled. There would be no holding back, he decided and quickly took the man back into his mouth again. It tasted like warmth and soap and a bit like sweat the further down he was able to go but even that wasn’t far. Benny was a large man in every respect and Samandriel knew there’d be no way he could take it all, not without choking himself at least. Instead he wrapped his hand tighter and used the wetness from his mouth to coat the base and did as much as he could to apply friction where he couldn’t reach and hoped it would be enough. 

 

“Oh fuck yes,” Benny grumbled, his hips twitching with each hard suck Samandriel gave.  He hadn’t lied when he said it had been a long time. There was hardly any time to touch himself with how busy he was with the diner and there had been no one before Samandriel.  Not for months anyway. 

 

He threw his head back with a loud moan and licked his lips.  He was getting close and with one long suck he tried to yank Samandriel’s head back so he wouldn’t choke but didn’t get very far when he started to cum with a loud shout.

 

Heat flooded Samandriel’s mouth and he nearly choked on it, the salty release clinging to his tongue as he tried to swallow it down. He hadn’t been prepared for it, not really, though he’d anticipated that it was coming. The way his sac drew up and tightened, the way his thighs had started to tremble, Samandriel had seen all the signs but had been so focused on the act itself that the spray had caught him completely off guard. 

 

He spluttered a bit, some of the fluid dripping out of his mouth and onto his chin as he pulled away in surprise. He pulled his shirt up to wipe at his mouth while staring at Benny in awe as the thick white ropes kept coming. 

 

“Uuungh fuck,” Benny grunted and yanked Samandriel up to him, kissing him hard.  It was the roughest he’d ever been with Samandriel but he couldn’t help it. Three months of pent up sexual tension came crashing down on him and he all but devoured Samandriel’s mouth.  He pulled the boy onto his lap, not caring if Samandriel’s clothes got ruined, he’d replace them, he just needed his boyfriend closer.

 

Kissing Benny had always been a wonderful, loving, passionate way to pass the time but nothing they’d shared before made him feel so wanted, so  _ something _ he couldn’t quite name. It was invigorating and Samandriel squirmed a bit in Benny’s lap trying to get a handle on himself before he gave into his own needs. Though it was no use, he realized that it was far too late to bring himself back from the edge when Benny just barely put a hand on him and he jerked and keened into the touch as his orgasm spilled into his pants. 

 

“Oh-ohhhI-I-I’m s-sorry,” he said, gripping onto Benny with white-knuckled fingers as the waves of pleasure rocked through him. 

 

“Unh uh,” Benny said, kissing at Samandriel’s warm cheeks and temple, “Do not apologize for that, ever,” he said and got his boyfriend’s pants undone.  Before Samandriel could utter another word Benny flipped them so he was hovering over him, “Can I put my mouth on you cher? Been dying to taste you,” he said, licking a long slow stripe up the side of Samandriel’s neck.

 

“I uh…” Samandriel swallowed and backed away a bit. Now that the exploration of Benny was over, or at least somewhat, he felt nervous and anxious and a million other things. “C-can we um talk...talk for a bit, first?” 

 

Benny took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.  It took some effort but he managed to reel himself back in to gently pull away from his boyfriend, “Sure, of course,” he said and pulled away from Samandriel.  His legs were a bit unsteady as he walked to the dresser and pulled on some pants.

 

“I know it’s not, that it’s not fair, that you let me… and I should, y’know but I’m not, I don’t know,” Samandriel started, several times over as the feelings of insecurity washed over him. It was sadly one of the only things that felt familiar in that moment. “I’m not,-I don’t look good, underneath everything. It’s, I mean- I know you’re attracted to me but I’m not, it’s not good for me… to be naked.” 

 

Benny cupped the side of Samandriel’s face and dragged his thumb over his cheek, “It’s not about what’s fair or what you should do to ‘pay me back’ or whatever, if you’re uncomfortable that’s the line and I won’t cross it.  However, I do wanna know what I can do to make you feel better about this. Because I for one, think you’re beautiful and I’m sure you noticed but you make my blood boil,” he laughed as he lowered his other hand to thumb over one of Samandriel’s hip bones, “Saw this the other day when you were painting and had to walk away before I interrupted you with a make-out session.”

 

“I know, and it’s not you....it’s really not, I just,” Samandriel huffed, a bit frustrated with himself and his messed up mind. “It’s hard for me to explain but I’m not comfortable  _ being _ naked. The weather, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, isn’t the only reason I wear a lot of different layers. Sometimes it’s hard for me to even shower that way, I-Iknow it’s weird but I-” 

 

“Hey, look at me.  It’s not weird,  _ you’re _ not weird sweetheart.  I will do everything I can to make you feel comfortable.  I will do  _ everything _ in my power to help you see yourself the way I do,” he whispered leaning in to press his lips feather light against Samandriel’s and then his eyelids, “There’s no rush cher, none.”

 

“I uh, I liked this though, the part where you let me touch you...I like seeing you, is that okay?” Samandriel asked, nervously chewing at his lip. He knew it still wasn’t fair expecting Benny to give everything, just like always, but he knew if he was expected to get naked for the man it wouldn’t end well for either of them. 

 

“Yes, that’s okay,” Benny said nuzzling their noses together, “C’mon, let’s go watch that movie and cuddle on the couch.”

  
  
  


* * *

 

Samandriel knew that Benny was trying, he showered him with compliments, with kisses, with sweet phrases that left his cheeks flushed and his chest warm. It didn’t change much, not even on the days he believed it, but Samandriel had been slowly forcing himself out of his comfort zone as much as possible. He started staring at himself in the mirror, sometimes with only a thin layer on and occasionally he’d stand there nude. 

 

It still wasn’t a comfortable thing but he’d been working on it really hard and he wanted to surprise his sweet boyfriend. It had been a few months and Benny had been gracious about letting Samandriel touch him and taste him and experiment with his body, never asking for too much. A lesser man wouldn’t have lasted as long, Samandriel doubt he would have if it wasn’t his own weird issues that were standing in the way. 

 

_ ‘Tonight,’ _ he told himself, just a few more hours and he’d lay himself bare for the man he loved. 

 

They’d been invited to go out with friends and Samandriel agreed. Benny enjoyed being in a crowd, loved having his friends and family surrounding him and Samandriel wanted that for him. 

 

_ ‘Here we go,’ _ he whispered to himself, stepping out into the main house. 

 

“I’m ready when you are,” he called out as he moved toward the kitchen. If he knew Benny, which he did, that’s where he’d find the man. 

 

Benny turned to face his boyfriend and smiled, “Oh you look amazing sweetheart, c’mere,” he said holding his hands out.  He spun Samandriel, both of them giggling like school children and kissed him once they were facing each other again, “Just need to grab my phone,” he said snatching it up from the counter.

 

“Are you sure this is okay? I wasn’t sure...I’ve never really been to a club before,” Samandriel said, turning for effort. “I don’t want to look out of place.” 

 

“You look gorgeous,” Benny said tipping up Samandriel’s face for a brief kiss, “Let’s go.  I’ve already got texts messages saying we’re late when in fact, they’re hella early,” he laughed with a roll of his eyes.  They hurried out to the garage, Benny holding the door of his truck open for Samandriel before running to his own side.

 

He was surprised to find that he wasn’t all that nervous about the outing. Sure, he wanted to make a good impression but he’d already met everyone that was expecting them and while he knew a few of them thought he was weird, they didn’t seem to think it was bad like most people. They called him unique, eccentric, and a dork... _ a lot _ , but it always held this fondness like he could be okay anyway. It was probably just Benny’s influence but Samandriel found himself thinking of them as his friends anyway. 

 

They stopped outside a small building with neon lights draped along the top and he held his breath for just a moment. 

 

“I want you to have fun tonight, okay? Whatever you want, I just want you to relax and have a good time.” 

 

“Okay,” Benny said with a bright, excited smile.  It’d been awhile since he’d actually gone out. Going to a friends house for a movie and dinner wasn’t the same.  He crawled out of the truck and took Samandriel’s hand once he was out, “I want you to have fun too sweetheart,” he said and draped his arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders.

 

“Yo Dean!” he called out when he saw the familiar leather jacket.

 

“Hey Ben,” Dean answered, smiling at his ridiculous best friend. The guy had been so wrapped up in his new boyfriend, he was surprised they’d made it out of bed in time. Well  _ almost  _ in time. Cas was waiting inside for him, he’d just had to run back out to baby to grab one of those nasty clove cigarettes Cas liked to smoke when he drank. Both were rare, but Dean let him indulge from time to time without complaint. 

 

“Hey there, Alfie.” 

 

“Hi, Dean.” Samandriel should have probably been surprised at how quickly Ash’s nickname for him had caught on but he wasn’t. Samandriel was complicated to remember and to say and though he had no idea where the guy had come up with  _ Alfie _ , it was apparently much easier on everyone. 

 

Benny pulled Dean into a hug then rewrapped his arm around Samandriel as they headed inside.  The club was one of the very few they had but it was the most popular. Thankfully they had theme nights and they could avoid the super bubble gum pop nights or the intense techno ones.  Castiel dragged them once, only once and it was a rule from then on they’d only go to the rock nights.

 

Benny instantly started bobbing his head as Here I Go Again from Whitesnake surrounded him.  The place was crowded as per usual for a Friday night. Their group was scattered already, some at the bar and a few already on the dance floor.  He was about to ask where Cas was when he suddenly appeared with an entire tray of shots.

 

“Hey!  You guys are finally here!” Castiel cried and pushed the tray into Dean’s hands to first hug Benny and then Samandriel, “Alright, shots everyone!” 

 

Samandriel didn’t usually like the taste of alcohol but he took the offered glass and downed it right alongside the rest of them. He smiled up at Benny and felt a warm fuzziness bubbling in his chest. The music was similar to what he’d heard his boyfriend play anytime he was in the garage with the bike or his truck, or anything really. It was loud but not deafening and the beat was easy to pick out. 

 

Benny downed one and then another when Castiel dared him to.  He rolled his eyes and clunked the glass down on the tray, “It’s gonna take a hell of a lot more than two shots to get me blitzed Cas,” Benny laughed.

 

“Oh I know,” Castiel grinned and down a few more before shaking his head, “Whew, okay I’m feeling it now.  Someone come dance with me!” he yelled and grabbed for Dean’s hand, not really giving him a choice.

 

Dean followed his boyfriend out to the floor even though it wasn’t really something he was into. Cas loved to dance and Dean loved to make him happy, so it was a very small price to pay. Plus, he did get to enjoy the delicious feeling of Cas’ pert little ass grinding against him, even if it was a bit more public than he’d have liked. 

 

“Do you...want to?” Samandriel asked, he’d never really danced before, not beyond the slow swaying and spinning that Benny sometimes pulled him into when they were messing around in the kitchen. 

 

“Hell yeah,” Benny grinned, taking Samandriel’s hand to pull him out on the floor near Dean and Castiel.  He pulled his boyfriend in close, his hands gripping at the boy’s waist as he helped him find the beat and sway his hips in time.

 

“Just relax and feel the bass cher,” he said.

 

Samandriel tried and with Benny’s help he was sure he didn’t make a complete idiot out of himself, but he wasn’t the most coordinated person in the world. The more the music pumped the crazier things became and before he knew what had happened everyone was kind of moving together and then Benny and Castiel had gotten lost in the sea of bodies and Dean was politely pulling him back to keep him from being dragged down with them.

 

“They’ll be back, I’mma head for a drink, you good?” Dean asked, double checking the kid wasn’t going to freak out or split or something. 

 

Samandriel nodded, “I’ll just meet you back at the booth,” he promised. 

 

Benny wasn’t sure how it happened but the next thing he knew Castiel was pressed up against him and were dancing to Godsmack’s version of Rocky Mountain Way.  Benny loved this song and couldn’t help laughing loud when Castiel started singing horribly to it even though his body kept up with the rhythm. Then God, his favorite part when the music slows and it’s nothing but that deep bass drum.  He grabbed at Castiel’s waist and pulled him closer both of them rolling their hips to the beat. When it kicked back up he spun Castiel out and dipped him, pulling him back up while both of them laughed.

 

Samandriel bit at his lip until he tasted the copper. It was one thing to feel Benny move against him on the dance floor, all strong arms but gentle hands. Watching him with Castiel was a completely different experience. They were hypnotizing, raw passion and lust in a way he would never be able to master. 

 

He’d been standing there for a few minutes, staring when a beer was pushed into his hand. 

 

Glancing over he saw Dean there with a raised brow, “You okay, kid?” 

 

“Are...Are you not upset? I mean, they’re- they’re pretty close,” Samandriel asked, confused by how calm Dean seemed to be with the whole thing. 

 

Dean shrugged, “They do this all the time, it’s not really a big deal.” 

 

“Yeah, no big deal,” Samandriel said, before turning his eyes away. “Thanks for the beer.” 

 

Castiel hugged around Benny and dropped a kiss on his cheek, “Thanks for the dance!” he said and bounded back over to Dean once he finally caught sight of his boyfriend.  He loved Dean with every beat of his heart but the man could not dance. He tried, God did he try but he always managed to slink away when Castiel wasn’t watching. Thankfully he had Benny and that man could dance.  He gave Dean a second to put down his beat before jumping up into his arms and wrapping his legs around his waist, “Hi,” he grinned before kissing him.

 

Benny laughed watching the two of them.  He patted Dean on the back but his brother was too distracted with his clingy boyfriend to respond.  Shaking his head he went for the booth to find the rest of his family and boyfriend all milling around.  Though, Samandriel seemed to be upset by something. Benny chewed on his lip and went to sit next to him, “Hey you alright?” he asked.

 

“Yeah, you having fun?” he asked, taking another drink of the beer Dean had passed to him. It didn’t taste as good as wine, it didn’t taste good at all, but it was adding to the buzz so he ignored the bitter flavor and finished the bottle.

 

Benny eyed him carefully.  Samandriel didn’t like to drink and only did so when he was stressed or didn’t want to deal with something.  He frowned, turning to face Samandriel a bit more and grabbed at the bottle before Samandriel could finish it.

 

“I was.  What’s going on?”

 

“Nothing, are you finished dancing or should I sit down and wait for you to come back?” he asked, the bitterness of the drink festering in his throat and his chest. He hated being so damn insecure but watching the way they moved together, it felt like anything he could do would just be a wasted effort. They would never look the same, they’d never be as in sync as Benny was with Castiel. 

 

Benny blinked a few times and sighed heavily, “Is that what’s got you so pissy?  Cas and I are just friends Samandriel. Yeah we’re closer than most exes probably should be but that’s just how we are,” he said a bit defensively.  He’d been having fun and yeah, he understood how Samandriel could get upset but Benny had explained how he and Castiel were several times. If he’d known a simple dance would get this type of reaction he wouldn’t have danced with Castiel in the first place.

 

“I know that, I do...I just, I can’t watch you two be  _ like that _ ,” he said, his eyes pleading with his boyfriend. “I would never tell you not to be friends with him, I know how important he is to you, Benny. But you also need to understand that what I saw out there, what you two share when you’re- _ whatever you were doing- _ it doesn’t  _ look _ friendly, and it sure as hell doesn’t feel that way.” 

 

“It was just dancing!” Benny practically yelled, “You were the one who told me to do whatever I wanted and to have fun!  There is nothing between Cas and me,” he said and shook his head and then froze, “You don’t trust me,” he said.

 

“I do, I do trust you Benny. I believe you when you tell me there’s nothing between the two of you, but you also don’t seem to understand what it looks like when the two of you are together,” Samandriel said, the sting at the corner of his eye burning stronger the longer they talked. He knew what was coming, could feel it brewing and tried to fight off the cold of it in preparation for heartache. 

 

“You look...you look like you belong together. Like you were made for one another, you  _ fit _ in a way that we’ve never done. I’m too weird and gangly and clumsy, it’s- it’s never going to be like that for us.” 

 

“Because you won’t even give it a fucking chance!” Benny bellowed.  He shut his mouth quickly after and rubbed at his face roughly, “Look, I’m sorry it made you feel that way.  I’m sorry I can’t seem to do enough to make you see differently. That all these quirks of yours you think as faults are some of my favorite things about you.  Every time we seem to gain an inch you reel it back in and try your hardest to push me away,” he said and snatched up someone’s drink to down it one gulp.

 

“You keep listing all this bullshit, trying to get me to see you in an ugly way that will  _ never _ happen.  You think I’m lying to you and myself and that right there, is how you don’t trust me Samandriel.  You’re always going to believe that I’ll leave you to find something supposedly better.” 

 

Benny slammed down the glass and stood up from the booth, “I need some air,” he grumbled and walked away.

 

Samandriel stood there for a few beats, tears brimming, before he walked toward the door. It was late but not too late to catch a bus that would drop him off about a mile from the house. He would gather his things and go, it was clear to him that Benny needed more than a little air. 

 

He held his tears back long enough to keep people from staring at him on the bus, though it wasn’t easy. Still, he refused to be an inconsolable mess in public. It would wait. 

 

Most of his things were already together, at least what he’d come there with. Samandriel wouldn’t take the new things, the things Benny had conveniently found or bought for him. Even if he’d wanted to, there wouldn’t have been room. Thankfully he did have enough saved to get a room for a week while he looked for an apartment or some other kind of arrangement, though it wouldn’t be cheap. 

 

Similar thoughts filled his head as the city lights passed by the bus window. It didn’t seem right taking the bike Benny had all but bought and repaired for him. No matter how much he’d miss it, Samandriel just couldn’t bring himself to get on it again. It would only lead to thoughts of Benny and more heartache. 

 

No, he’d been fine using the buses before, he could do it again. 

 

Brand new start, all over again. 

 

* * *

  
  


Benny sat outside the club for a long time.  Long enough for the chill in the air to sink down into his bones and long enough to smoke two cigarettes he’d pilfered from Ash.  The things he’d said to Samandriel left an ugly taste on the back of his tongue. It didn’t matter if he felt those things from time to time it wasn’t the place or time to literally throw that in Samandriel’s face.  He was being unfair and selfish. Castiel was his friend yes, but Samandriel was his boyfriend. 

 

“Shit,” he said and stubbed out the half cigarette on the wall before hurrying back inside the club.  He was met with wary glances and it didn’t sit well at all. There was an apology ready and waiting on the tip of his tongue but Samandriel wasn’t there at the table.

 

“He left,” Castiel said coming up behind him.  He looked about as guilty as he felt.

 

“Wait, what do you mean he left?” he demanded.

 

‘We mean he took off, looked pretty upset Ben…” Dean said, toying with the label of his drink. It had taken months, if not longer for him to be more okay with the way Benny and Cas were sometimes. He would do anything to make his boyfriend happy and was grateful that Cas was able to find the dancing partner he wanted in Benny, if not himself. But it had still taken some time and more trust than he’d ever given anyone with the power to hurt him the way those two could. 

 

“I don't think either of you realizes what you look like out there…” Dean said, rubbing at the back of his neck a bit. “I mean I’ve said I’m good with it and I am...I know how close you guys are, I know Cas loves me more than anything, and I trust you with my life, man...but not gonna lie, sometimes it’s hard to watch. Used to drive me crazy but it got easier.”  

 

Benny froze and when he glanced at Castiel, he seemed just as stunned by Dean’s confession, “Why...why the hell didn’t you ever say anything?” Benny asked stepping closer to his friend.

 

“Oh please, like anyone was going to come between you two,” Dean snorted, “Not to say I wanted to but even if I had tried, Cas would have dropped my ass in a heart-” 

 

“Are you kidding me?  Please tell me that you’re actually joking right now,” Castiel said and gently pushed Benny away so he could stand in front of his boyfriend, “I love Benny and he’s one of my best friends but if you would have told me from the start that it bothered you-” 

 

“Cas...Even if I had managed to split you guys up, where would that have left me? I’d have made two of the most important people in my life, miserable. A little jealousy wasn’t worth all that,” Dean said, shaking his head. “You should be able to dance if you want to dance.” 

 

“Baby...I would have put some distance between me and him.  It would have hurt and sucked but I’d get over it because I had  _ you  _ bug.  The only reason why we remained close and kept being touchy feely is that we thought you were okay with it!  Fuck…” Castiel shook his head and closed the distance between himself and Dean, hugging around him tightly, “I’m sorry.”

 

Benny swallowed hard around the knot in his throat.  Man, he was such a selfish prick. To wrapped up in the idea of being able to keep Castiel close that he didn’t even notice that his goddamn brother had hurt over it.  Maybe not now, but in the beginning. 

 

“Dean...I’m sorry too, man.  I-fuck, I gotta go find Samandriel,” he said and bolted out of the club.

 

“Sweetheart, it’s fine really... it’s been a long time since it bothered me. I’m just sayin, I understood why the kid was upset,” Dean said, squeezing his arms around his beautiful boyfriend. “You’re mine, I know that and it doesn’t scare me anymore. But you two really do look like you’re fucking when you get on the dance floor, that’s just a fact…” 

 

Castiel grimaced, “I never thought of it that way,” he said, tilting up his face so he could kiss at Dean’s neck, “I’d much rather be dancing with you out there, whether you’re good at it or not,” he said.  Just the thought of looking like he was having sex with Benny made him shudder and not in a good way. 

 

“I know, and don’t feel guilty. If it was something I couldn’t have handled, I’d have said something,” Dean answered, though he doubted it would have ever come up. There was little he couldn’t handle when the alternative was making Cas unhappy. 

 

“C’mon, let’s get back out there and you can grind all over me and ignore my awkward moves,” Dean teased, pulling Cas back out toward the floor. 

 

* * *

  
  


Benny barely had the truck stopped before he threw it in park and raced into the house, “Samandriel!” he called out.  The house was too quiet for his boyfriend to be home. He hurried over to the door that joined their spaces together and eased his way in.

 

“Samandriel?” he called out again.  It was pretty obvious that he wasn’t here but Benny kept torturing himself by looking, hoping that maybe Samandriel was just hiding from him.  When he finally stepped into the bedroom he got his first clue. Samandriel’s backpack was missing and all his art supplies. That hit him hard, right square in the chest.

 

“Fuck...no, no, c’mon!” Benny growled and yanked his phone out of his back pocket.  He nearly dropped it in his haste to call Samandriel but of course, it only rang once before going straight to voicemail.

 

“Angel...please answer your phone.  We need to talk. I was a selfish prick and should have never said those things to you.  Please call me back okay?” he said and hung up the phone. 

 

Several minutes and even more panicked looks to his phone later he was pacing Samandriel’s bedroom.  He tried calling three more times, the voicemails growing increasingly more desperate and borderline pathetic.  

 

“Fuck!” he shouted when it went straight to voicemail again.  This whole time Samandriel believed he was the screw-up, that he would be the one to ruin this in the end but no, it was Benny.  And he managed to fuck it all up with one stupid dance. 

 

All he could do was keep trying until his phone died.

 

Which took three hours.

 

* * *

  
  


Samandriel pulled at his clothes until there was nothing left and pushed himself under the cold spray, how stupid he’d been to say something. He knew how important Castiel was to Benny, of course the man wouldn’t give that up, he shouldn’t have asked it of him. 

 

They were just dancing...right? 

 

Why was he making a big deal out of it?

 

But then Samandriel would remember what it looked like, how well they fit together, how happy it made Benny to have the other man against him, swaying and rocking wildly to the music and his stomach would clench and he’d feel sick all over again. 

 

He sat there until he started to shake, his skin prunish and even more pale than usual. The cold didn’t even register until he dragged himself back to his feet and climbed out of the shower and the sticky heat of the room started to cling to him.

 

There was a faint ringing but Samandriel ignored it, pulling the covers over his head and letting the blackness behind his eyelids overtake him. 

 

The following days didn’t even seem to register, he just sat alone in his room and tried not to remember the feeling of strong arms around him or bright blue eyes shining with affection. He ate when he needed to, though very little of it stayed down. He knew it couldn’t go on like that, that he’d need to return to class sooner rather than later if he had any hopes of maintaining his scholarship. Still, every movement, no matter how small, drained him. 

 

He ordered pizza on his phone, already feeling sick at the thought of eating it, but if he didn’t hold something down he knew it wouldn’t be good and he couldn’t afford a trip to the hospital. There was a knock at the door and before he could think it had only been a few minutes, he opened it and nearly fell to the floor in surprise. 

 

“Hi Alfie,” Castiel said with a grim smile.  The pizza Samandriel had ordered balanced on his hand, “You gonna invite me in or you gonna let your food get cold?” he asked with a raised a brow.

 

“I-What-,” Samandriel swallowed, he knew he hadn’t eaten much but hallucinations were still days off, he’d end up hospitalized first. Which meant Castiel was actually there…

 

“Why are you here?” 

 

Castiel didn’t answer, just pushed past Samandriel to put the pie down on the table, “Nice place,” he said glancing around, “We need to talk.  Since you turned your phone off and ran away, I had Ash track you down. And here we are.”

 

“I don’t, I don’t know what you expect from me…” Samandriel said, backing away from the other man. “I’m not enough, I’m never going to be enough, he’s better off this way, we  _ both  _ are.” 

 

It wasn’t until he said it that Samandriel realized he didn’t quite believe it as much as he should. The words left a sour taste on his tongue and part of him knew it was because all the little things Benny had told him during their time together had chipped away at his insecurities and the awful, dark thoughts that linger in his memories. 

 

Still, it was probably true…

 

“Wow, and here I thought you were smart,” Castiel laughed shaking his head.  He moved around the room a bit before leaning up against the counter, his eyes boring into Samandriel’s, “Benny’s been worried sick about you and has been trying to contact you.  Even going to your college to try and find you. Which, made him even more worried because you’re not there,” Castiel sighed heavily.

 

“Listen, I’m sorry that me and Benny dancing upset you and I know it’s more than that.  Dean admitted to something that really opened our eyes. It was selfish of Benny and me to remain as close as we are and think little of what our partners felt towards it,” he said.

 

“You don’t understand,” Samandriel said, feeling a flare of anger ignite inside him. It was the first bit of warmth he’d felt in days but it sparked a fire in his belly that only grew stronger. “It’s not just the dancing or the way you two fit together. Benny’s  _ good _ , he’s...he’s amazing. I’m not like him. I  _ feed  _ off of people like that, I just take and take until there’s nothing left. Until they’re crusty and bitter and I thought it would be okay, that if he would just look for someone else, someone better, but he won’t and I-I can’t, I can’t help myself, I-lovehim.” 

 

Castiel frowned deep and took a few steps towards him, “Who was it that made you think this way?” he asked softly.

 

“Nobody had to tell me, I saw it...I watched it happen over and over again. First, my mother, then my father until he finally got rid of me and now I’m watching it happen to Benny and I-I can’t,” Samandriel let out a choked, painful noise from his throat. “I’m a monster and I’ll pay for what I’ve done but I can’t-I can’t go back. He’ll be okay if I just stay away...” 

 

“Samandriel stop!” Castiel said and rushed forward to pull Samandriel into a hug.  The kid tried to fight him but he held on, “You are not some kind of leech and you are  _ not _ a monster.  You are kind and sweet.  You made my best friend, one of the most important people in my life so happy.  All because you were being you. But you wanna know the main reason?” Castiel asked before pulling away to cup Samandriel’s face.

 

“Because you let him take care of you.  It’s who he is and needs someone to let him do that.  I never could, that’s why he was never  _ in _ love with me nor I him.  But you do.”

 

“I can’t- I can’t do it,”  Samandriel said, shaking his head despite how wrong it felt. “It won’t work, he’s not the first person who cared about me and wanted to take care of me, but I’m too needy, I take too much and never give anything back, it’s not right…” 

 

“So you think loving him back isn’t enough?  That you making sure he’s taking care of himself and finally talking him into hiring more people isn’t enough?  You’re the main reason why he promoted Jo and Ash at the diner as well...because he needed someone outside of himself to say it.  That’s not enough?  _ You  _ are exactly what he needs Samandriel,” Castiel said and sighed again.  He didn’t know what else to say to try and get through Samandriel’s barrier of stubborn self-hatred but he wasn’t going to give up.

 

“That’s-that’s not, that wasn’t,” Samandriel hesitated, he wanted to say it wasn’t anything, or that it wasn’t important but Benny finally taking time and taking care of himself mattered a lot to the people that cared about the man, including himself. “He would have stepped back on his own, I didn’t do anything special...and even if I did, it doesn’t change anything. He’s still too good and I’m still me _. _ ” 

 

“Samandriel.  Benny is good but he’s not perfect.  He’s stubborn, selfish, and sometimes he’s just a little too nice.  We  _ all _ have flaws.  But if we’re really lucky, we find someone who accepts, if not loves them.  I may be overstepping here but fuck it, Benny loves you. Every last part of you and he didn’t need to tell me.  I see it. I have never seen him look at anyone the way he does with you.”

 

Castiel cupped Samandriel’s face again and smiled, “If you’re willing to let that go, then you’re dumber than I thought you were and you will have lost the very thing that could make you happy.  You’d be taking that from Benny as well,” he said and backed away.

 

Part of him heard what Castiel was saying and a strange twinge of hope came to life in his chest. He knew it was expecting too much, taking too much for granted, but he  _ wanted _ so badly for it to be true. 

 

Chewing at his lip, Samandriel nodded. “You promise me something first, you promise me that if I start to take too much, that if he starts to get colder or bitter and angry, that you’ll make me go away, that you’ll protect him...even if it’s from me,  _ especially _ if it's from me...I don’t trust myself to do what’s best for him, I can’t.” 

 

Castiel wanted to argue but kept his mouth closed.  This was not something that could be healed overnight, it would take time for Benny and maybe even some of the rest of the family to help Samandriel to see differently.

 

“I promise,” he said softly.

 

“Okay, I-I’ll call him, let him know I’m okay and if he wants to see me…” Samandriel paused, not letting himself believe that it would be as welcomed as Castiel seemed to imagine. Benny was pretty angry with him the last time they spoke and he couldn’t imagine that just disappearing. “I’ll call him.” 

 

“Good.  I’ll see you soon,” Castiel said and bounded out of the room, giving Samandriel a smile before the door closed behind him.

 

Samandriel forced himself to take a few deep breaths and eat a couple bites of the pizza he ordered before he finally gave in and grabbed at his phone. He chewed at his lip, nerves licking high on his spine, he still pressed the green button.

 

Benny was in his office at the diner when his cell phone rang.  It would be a nice distraction but he’d been out of his head so much that all the paperwork had piled up on his desk.  He didn’t even bother checking the caller-id when he let out a gruff, “Hello?”

 

Samandriel swallowed, “Hi, is-are you busy?” 

 

Benny nearly dropped his phone.  After days of radio silence...he let the pen in his fingers drop to the desk as he tried to regain his composure, “No...no, I’m not.  Are you okay?” he asked softly.

 

“Yeah...well no,” Samandriel said, chewing at his lip. “I’m not okay but I’m...okay I guess. I don't want you to worry about me though.” 

 

“Little late for that angel,” Benny said thickly, his eyes throbbing before a tear spilled down that he quickly brushed away, “I uh...I miss ya.”

 

Samandriel’s chest clenched painfully at the sound of Benny’s voice, at how soft and desperate it felt. His fingers trembled a bit on the phone as he answered, “I’m sorry, Benny...I know I shouldn't have said anything, I-” 

 

“No, no sweetheart.  I broke a promise to you that night and was a selfish prick.  This...this isn’t on you,” he said, coughing a little to try and clear his throat but it only made it worse, “I’m the one who needs to say sorry here and I am angel.  More than you can even imagine.”

 

“I just, I’d put too much on it,” Samandriel confessed, “I had... _ expectations _ in my head and I think that made everything worse. Maybe we’re both a little to blame, or a lot to blame, I don’t know, but I-I miss you too and I-I’d like to come home...if you want me, I mean.”

 

“Yes, yes of course.  Please, come home. Do you need me to come get you?” he asked, almost on the edge of begging.  His chest ached with want, to be near his boyfriend and to hold him close making it difficult to breathe.  It was crazy and irrational with how heavy he felt towards Samandriel, someone he’d only been with for a few months but he knew what it was.  He’d seen it happen right in front of him when Castiel and Dean met each other for the first time. Knew in his core that it was the one and only reason why they broke up and he was okay with it.  Had accepted it but now he  _ understood _ .  If he’d met Samandriel while still with Castiel, he’d have done the same damn thing.

 

Samandriel looked around the hotel room and cringed at the state of things, “No, I’ve got a couple things to do but I will meet you at home after your shift, is that okay?” 

 

A wave of disappointment swam through him but he nodded, “Sure yes...of course.  Um, I’ll uh, I’ll be home around eight. I hope,” he said with a heavy sigh. He wanted to ask if he could at least bring him some food or just... _ something _ but he stopped himself.

 

“I’m okay, Benny...I just need to clean up a bit and get my stuff together. I’ll see you soon,” he said, ending the call before he second-guessed himself and ran straight to the diner. They’d have a long talk later but for now, he had things to do. 

 

He’d gathered his things easily enough but it took some time to track down his professors on campus and claim a false family emergency so that he could try to make up for the work he’d missed. Thankfully, his record spoke for itself and they believed him easily. Well not all of them, but most, either way, it was enough leeway to make sure he didn’t get himself kicked off his scholarship.

 

It was just after six when he finished speaking to the last one, still a couple of hours before Benny would be home. He wanted to go there, just to see it again, but there was an itch under his skin and he knew it wasn’t for the house. So instead of grabbing a bus toward the edge of town, Samandriel started off in a jog and twisted down the sidewalk toward the diner. The longer they were apart the less he wanted to wait. 

 

Everything seemed to stop when he stepped into the diner, Samandriel’s eyes darted through the room looking for the familiar shape of Benny’s body but it wasn’t there. 

 

“You going to fix it or make it worse?” Jo asked, pouring coffee into a mug next to him. 

 

“Fix it...I hope,” he answered, heart beating rapidly in his chest from the short run. 

 

“He’s in the back.” 

 

Benny rubbed at his eyes for probably the hundredth time.  He should feel better, things between him and Samandriel were going to get resolved tonight but all he could think about was that Samandriel still didn’t want his help.  It was a stupid thing to obsess about, to worry himself sick about but it just who he was. He threw the pen at his desk and groaned when he heard the door behind him open, “Goddammit Ash, not now brother.  Just fucking figure it out,” he growled covering his face with his hands.

 

“Not Ash,” Samandriel said, feeling a little like maybe he should have waited. Benny was clearly stressed out at work and he didn’t want to make things any more difficult on the man.

 

Benny spun around so fast he nearly knocked himself out of the chair, “Shit...Samandriel hey.  I’m sorry about that,” he said and stood up, “C’mere,” he said pleadingly, holding his hand out for his boyfriend.  He just needed something, anything to calm his anxiety.

 

“You’re okay? Cause you don’t seem it…” he said, easily folding himself back into Benny’s arms. It was warm and familiar there and he could smell just a hint of Benny’s cologne and it drew a whine out of his throat. “I missed you.”

 

Benny hugged around Samandriel tightly, his face going right into the crook of his neck, “I missed you too angel, so damn much.  I’m so sorry, so sorry I hurt you,” he whispered. They weren’t close enough. He gently lifted Samandriel up onto his desk and it was a little better.

 

“No, no it was me too...not just you, remember? We were both a little crazy, right?” Samandriel held on tighter than he probably ever had. He still wasn’t sure that his influence in Benny’s life would be a positive thing but he trusted Castiel to protect his friend and that’s what was important. However much it hurt when he had to leave, he’d handle that. In that moment he had Benny’s arms around him again and that was all that mattered. 

 

Samandriel pulled at Benny’s neck until their lips crashed together, a rough, needy movement that drew small whimpers from his throat. “I-I love you, Benny. I love you and I’m sorry.” 

 

Benny gasped and pulled Samandriel impossibly tight.  It was if he let any air between them then it would float away in an instant, “I love you too angel...I love you so much,” he said breathlessly.  He let Samandriel back up just an inch and it enough to kiss at his lips hungrily. Benny’s right hand dove into the back of Samandriel’s hair while the other kept around his waist.

 

His hands reached to unfasten the button on Benny’s jeans but before he could get ahold of it someone cleared their throat behind him and Samandriel froze. 

 

“Might wanna take it home guys,” Jo said, raising a brow at the two of them. “People are tryin’ to eat out there.” 

 

Samandriel flushed bright red but Benny just chuckled and flipped Jo off. “We could go home. We can bring all this with us or I could come in early with you and get it done in the morning?” 

 

“We’ll leave it here and worry about it tomorrow.  Right now I’m taking you home,” he said and kissed Samandriel again.  They may have gotten a little carried away again and Samandriel had a few love bites on his neck to show for it but eventually, Benny grabbed up his stuff, practically dragging his boyfriend out of the diner towards his bike.

 

“Oh I’ve missed this, I-I’ve missed this a lot,” Samandriel said, hurriedly climbing on the back of Benny’s bike. He’d missed his own as well but as nice as it was, the feeling of Benny’s warmth in front of him would always be more appealing. 

 

Benny grinned and revved the bike a few times before peeling out of the parking lot.  He took the long way home, twisting down the long roads just to have that feeling of Samandriel wrapped around him for a little longer.  Eventually though, he did pull into the garage and helped Samandriel to hop off the bike.

 

The second they were inside Benny pulled Samandriel to him and kissed him, lifting him up until he was sitting up on one of the kitchen counters, “Welcome home sweetheart,” he grumbled against his lips.

 

“Mmm,” Samandriel moaned, moving his body forward in an awkward roll of his hips, anything to be closer, to have  _ more _ . Swallowing, Samandriel realized exactly what it was that he wanted, felt that it was the right time and though he knew Benny would probably question the timing, he didn’t care.

 

He pulled away, Benny’s beautiful face in his hands, “Let’s go to bed.” 

 

Benny nodded but instead of letting Samandriel touch the floor he hooked his boyfriends ankles together behind him and carried him towards the stairs.  It took some time, a lot of fumbling and several pausings to kiss or laugh at Benny tripping and nearly sending them to floor but they managed to get to the bedroom.  It was then Benny finally put him down, “Do you wanna wear one of my shirts?” he asked.

 

Samandriel felt the corner of his mouth tip up as he reached for the buttons on his overshirt. He didn’t answer just unfastened each clasp and folded it neatly, sitting it down on the dresser before moving onto his undershirt. The top  half of his body was completely bare before Benny realized he hadn’t answered and turned to see him. 

 

He focused on undoing the buttons of his pants instead of letting himself get drawn into Benny’s gaze where the nerves might possibly overtake him. Layer by layer gone, he finally pushed his thumbs into the waistband of his briefs and tugged them off as well. 

 

Benny’s heart very easily could have skipped one or two beats.  He was frozen, his eyes eagerly drinking in every inch of skin Samandriel was revealing to him.  In his mind, he knew what Samandriel  _ thought _ he looked like.  The reality of it was so much  _ more.   _ In Samandriel’s mind he was lanky, skin and bones mostly with pale ghastly skin.  

 

When Benny’s eyes gazed over him, all he saw was lithe muscle hiding underneath sunkissed skin from all the time Samandriel spent in the sunshine painting.  He was beautiful and Benny couldn’t help sucking in a sharp breath at the sight of him.

 

“Damn,” he hissed out, aching down into his bones to reach out and touch, needing to see if his skin really was as soft as it looked.

 

“I think we both know that I really have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to sex but I trust you and I want you, I want us to be.. _ us _ again but I also want  _ more _ ,” he said, chewing a bit nervously at his lip as he forced his eyes up to meet Benny’s. “Is that okay?” 

 

“Yes, yes of course.  Is this you saying it’s okay for me to touch you?” Benny asked, almost begging at this point.

 

Samandriel smiled and moved closer, reaching out for Benny’s hands before backing them both toward the bed. He felt the warmth of affection and lust spill through his veins and Samandriel couldn’t help but chuckle. “Yes, Benny. Anything you want, it’s yours,  _ I’m yours. _ ” 

 

“Oh thank God,” Benny grumbled and surged forward to kiss his boyfriend, his hands shaking a little as he finally got to touch his body. To feel those muscles working under his fingers made him groan and he picked Samandriel up again before dropping down onto the bed.  His mind was a whirlwind, along with his hands that couldn't stay in one spot for long. The need to explore and touch was too much until Samandriel pulled away with a gasp, “Sorry...sorry...can’t help myself,” Benny chuckled.

 

“It’s fine just, it’s a lot … I-nobody’s ever touched me like this, I just..it’s a tad overwhelming,” he said, though Benny pulled back and frowned and Samandriel rushed to reassure him. “No I like it, Ben-please don’t stop. I love the way you touch me. All of it.” 

 

Benny nodded eagerly and continued but this time he went slower.  He took his time, his touch becoming more reverent then starved. He laid Samandriel out on the bed, his own body hovering over him as they kissed slowly.  Fingers reached for his jeans and Benny gently pushed Samandriel’s hands down against the bed.

 

“Please, it’s my turn,” he said with a soft smile before beginning to kiss his way down Samandriel’s chest only stopping once he reached his stomach.

 

Though he would have loved something to take his mind of the attention and affection Benny was graciously showing his body, Samandriel wanted to give Benny whatever it was the man wanted. So he put his hands down and took a deep breath in as the man’s mouth moved closer and closer to his erection, tugging at the line of liquid heat in his core.

 

“I w-won’t last very long I- might not last at all,” Samandriel confessed, his body already humming with need. They’d fooled around a bit during their time together but still it was mostly his own hand that brought him off and it had been too long for him to have any reassurance of stamina. 

 

“I don’t care,” Benny said and dragged his tongue over Samandriel’s hip bones.  He was in pure heaven. His entire being was singing with being able to finally touch and worship Samandriel like he’d wanted from the moment he laid eyes on him.  He moved even lower, kissing and nibbling at Samandriel’s thighs when his eyes finally flicked up to meet Samandriel’s. He gave him a wolfish grin before taking Samandriel’s cock in hand and swallowing the entire length of him in one go.

 

Samandriel spasmed wildly with the feeling of tight, wet heat engulfing him. He’d never felt anything like it and before he could even really begin to appreciate it, a quick orgasm spilled out of him. It felt as if someone pulled it from his gut, hard and fast, like a hook sinking into him and jerking it out without effort or strain. He wanted so badly to last but his brain stopped functioning as the intense release escaped him. 

 

“I- oh god, I-m, s-sorry, I-” he said, pausing to whimper as Benny continued to suck on his sensitive tip and drew a low whine from his throat.

 

Benny hummed as he let Samandriel slip free of his mouth but continued to lick and nibble at all sensitive areas surrounding his cock, even drawing his balls into his mouth slowly suck on them.  Samandriel was a whining writhing mess by the time Benny released him, “So damn good cher,” he growled out before attacking his thighs again, leaving love bites all over them. He never had this animalistic need before, to claim Samandriel as his, to put physical proof on him as to show who he belonged to.  

 

“I-I don’t know w-what to say, I-I’ve never felt anything like that before…” Samandriel said, giggling like an idiot. He’d tried to stop himself but the need to laugh bubbled up in him just after his release and it wasn’t going away. 

 

Benny grinned and crawled up to where he was hovering over him again.  Samandriel looked so beautiful like this, “Did you like it at least?” he asked before leaning in to catch his lips in a short kiss.  Benny moved a bit until he was laying on his side, their legs tangled as his hand continued to draw nonsensical patterns along Samandriel’s chest and stomach.

 

“Yes, of course...though it would have probably been better for both of us if I had been able to last longer,” Samandriel confessed, feeling a little embarrassed. It wasn’t as much as he’d expected, probably because of how happy Benny looked, but it still felt a bit selfish. “Is that what you meant when I first-is that why you wanted to last longer?” 

 

“Mmhmm,” Benny said with a knowing smile, “All I care about is that you enjoyed it.  We can work on building up your stamina but you’re never gonna disappoint me angel, especially not with this,” he said.

 

“I did, I want you to have an orgasm now,” Samandriel said, needing the balance of pleasure to be evened out a bit.

 

“What can I do? Do you want me to touch you, or maybe I could put you in my mouth again, I liked that…” he paused again, eyes going wide at the memory of Benny’s reaction to his ass, even through the denim layers, “Or I could bend over, would that help?” 

 

“Ungh, you’re killin me cher,” Benny groaned, “You put that ass in my face I’m not gonna be held responsible for what I may or may not do to it,” he chuckled.

 

Samandriel scrunched up his nose a little, “Would that...would that y’know, make you….” he said, making an awkward gesture with his hand that he wasn’t quite sure implied what he’d meant but Benny seemed to get the picture. 

 

“If you allow me to touch your ass the way I want to while you’re sucking my cock?  Yeah, that could very easily make me cum and quickly too probably,” he laughed, shuddering at the thought, “But I’m not gonna do that unless you’re comfortable with me touching you there.”

 

“You can touch me anywhere, Benny...I meant it when I said I’m yours; body, heart, soul,  _ everything _ .”

 

Samandriel took Benny’s hand in his and kissed at the skin gently. “Whatever you want, I want to give that to you,” he said softly, before dropping another soft peck to Benny’s thick fingers. “Anything, everything you want.” 

 

Benny shuddered again and surged forward to lock their mouths together.  A hungry, feral groan fed into Samandriel as he licked his way past his lips and teased at his boyfriend's tongue.  He wanted anything and everything, the reminder that he needed to slow down constant in his mind but it was hard to listen to.  

 

He pulled away gasping for breath and nuzzled at Samadriel’s face, “I love you so much,” he whispered.

 

“I love you too,” Samandriel answered, pressing his smile against Benny’s soft lips again. “Now, take what you want, Bear. I’m here and I’m yours.”

 

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for the horrible ending lol. One of many that we never managed to finish! ;O)~


End file.
